Hi everyone. I have been on the VST and OH forums since December, but I primarily post on VST. I don't participate much on OH, but I do enjoy the blogs there - I guess because they are continuous and not individual links for each blog. But, I feel more at home here on VST, so I've decided to post my first blog here. I'll probably go there at some point and post a blog also.

My journey is still pretty much in the early stages, so I feel a little scattered at this point. I have struggled with my weight since late elementary school. Considering the fact that I have hit the big 4-0, that's a long time to be struggling with something. I've never been a really successful dieter, but have had a couple of points of good weight loss that never lasted more than a year.

When I look back on those episodes, I can never pinpoint when and why I fell off the wagon, or how the weight seemed to creep back up on me. All I know with any certainty is that I'm tired - and tired of it.

Something clicked in me after I turned 40 and I decided it was time to do something BIG for myself. Up until this time, I had never given WLS for myself more than a passing thought. I toyed with the idea of the lapband a couple of years ago, but let the thought slip away. Then, in December 2009, I just suddenly decided that I was going to do something definitive about my weight and stop the diet roller coaster.

Initially, I went back to my earlier thoughts of doing the lapband because I couldn't get comfortable with the thought of the bypass. In the process of researching the lapband more intensively, I "discovered" the VSG. WOW!! I felt like the heavens had opened up for me. I knew immediately that this was the procedure for me and that I was about to make a positive change in my life that would have far reaching benefits.

This time I didn't hesitate long and contacted the Bariatric Resource Center through my insurance (United Health Care). Once I got the ball rolling, it was pretty much steady and smooth. I was NOT happy at first about the 6 month song and dance they put us through to get approved for the surgery. I was especially irritated about the supervised diet since it was clear that if I lost too much weight and went under the BMI requirements I would be denied for surgery. What a bunch of BS! What's the point of making people diet for 6 months and then penalizing them for losing too much weight? No matter...I just decided to not put too much energy into the dieting aspect of things.

But, after a little soul searching, I decided to embrace the idea of the required psych eval and 6 months of counseling. After reading some of the stories on the forums, especially here on VST, I soon realized that there was going to be WAAAYY more psychological impact from WLS than I could ever have imagined. So, I elected to do individual counseling instead of support groups. My personality tends toward excessive privacy and I would never have participated fully in a support group. But I have found that I am very engaged in the individual counseling process and actually look forward to my sessions. Since my sister is the only person I have told that I'm having surgery (and she's out of town), I really don't have anyone to process things with - especially the things I come across on the forums. Discussing these things with my counselor has been very beneficial because I'm developing concrete strategies for how I'll actually handle some of the difficulties of life post-op.

Each month, we discuss what has been most pressing in my mind in relation to the surgery (among other things). At my most recent session, we talked about how I plan to deal with all of the attention my weight loss will generate. This may not be a big deal for some people, but for someone like me who does NOT enjoy being the center of attention - especially when it's related to my appearance- this is going to be a big issue for me. I'm sure this is mostly because of my weight and being self-conscious about it for most of my life. But knowing where the tendency comes from doesn't change the fact that it's there.

Overall, we both agreed that I'm going to have to suck it up and deal with it because I'm going to get lots of attention with the amount of weight this surgery will allow me to lose. I'm also going to have to be more gracious about the positive attention that I get and learn to embrace it. I think this has been sorely lacking in my past weight loss efforts - the attention and my graciousness for the little that was there. I've come to the recent conclusion that this is a big part of why I've never been able to maintain previous weight loss. I think at some point, I felt like it wasn't really getting me anywhere, so why keep struggling with my body and cravings. I know this is kind of a wierd conclusion since I said I don't like attention...

So, here I am in my 5th month of the 6 month program for WLS approval. It seems like just yesterday that I made that life altering decision. Like most others here, I wish I had made the decision a long time ago so I could have enjoyed more of my life at a normal size. But, I think it happened at this time for a reason. For one thing, I clearly wasn't ready before. Now, it seems like the logical next step. I also made this decision right after the VSG became an approved procedure with my insurance company. Although I would definitely self-pay if that wasn't the case, I can't ignore that the timing for me was perfect.

As I sit here writing all of this, I can see why blogging is so popular. Although I've discussed all of this with my counselor, there's some added benefit to just getting it out in writing. I hope to continue adding to this blog as I go through the final stages of my insurance approval process and my pre-op diet and testing. Hopefully I'll be able to post some things in the future that are informative.

My tip for this particular stage would be to stay in contact with your surgeon's office to make sure that all of the records they will need from other doctors have been received. Sometimes it takes several requests to get the records there. If you are on a very specific timeline, it could delay your insurance approval and surgery date if you don't ensure that your records have been sent as requested. I'm sure this is not really a problem if you use providers that work closely with your surgeon, but I didn't go that route so I'm having to stay on top of things a little more so that I can get the surgery approved and done when I want to get it done.

Thanks for reading and I hope to be back soon.