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Feeling down...

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deedee

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I've been feeling somewhat sad for the last couple of days. For some reason I'm feeling fatter right now than the day of surgery (I know it's not rational and not true, but it's how I feel). I'm very happy with the weight loss number I've had so far (it has exceeded my expectations by so much, I was hoping to be here by Christmas initially), but when I look in the mirror I just see an unattractive, overweight woman.

 

This morning my husband came in and informed me that our scale was not working because it said he was 6 pounds lighter than last week and we needed a new one. I explained that it matched my surgeon's scale exactly last week, but he just wouldn't let it go. I lost it and started crying and told him if it was broken then I must weigh 6 pounds more than I thought. I know he felt bad and it wasn't a big deal at all and nothing worth crying about, I just couldn't help myself. He sent me 3 emails throughout the day saying how proud he is of my progress, I thought that was nice.

 

Tonight at Jazzercise, a woman came up to me as we were transitioning between routines and commented on my weight loss. She asked if I was doing Weight Watchers or something else (I guess she wasn't there the many times I mentioned my surgery) and I told her that I had surgery. She just sort of gave me a baffled look, her whole excitement level changed, and she went back to her spot. It was the first sort of negative reaction, but at least I didn't cry.

 

I'm not sure what is wrong, but I just don't feel right. I'm thinking it might be a hormonal change like I've read about with major weight loss. I think I'm going to have to drop one day of my exercise classes to start going back to my therapist again (haven't seen her since mid-September) at least for right now.

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I am not sure if you read this article (below) seems common to be depresses following surgery. I think is a great idea for you to follow up with your therapist. I just remember it will just get better.

Many people can't imagine becoming depressed AFTER losing weight. However, depression can occur after weight loss surgery or when undergoing any time of major lifestyle change. Possible causes of depression after WLS may include:

- Mourning the loss of food for comfort. If food has always been your "friend" or something you depended on when feeling sad, stressed or lonely, saying "goodbye" can be difficult.

- Mourning the loss of pre-operative lifestyle. For example, feeling left out while socializing, participating in holiday rituals, or when dining in restaurants.

- Reactions from others. Relationships with loved ones can change or become strained. Reactions to weight loss may be negative or jealous, or otherwise unsupportive friends/family may resort to "sabotage." Positive reactions or increased attention from others can lead to feelings of discomfort, vulnerability, or resentment.

- Having unrealistic expectations. For example, thinking that everything will get better after surgery or that your emotional eating or other disordered eating habits will simply disappear.

- Hormonal changes. For some women, estrogen is released while fat is burned to make energy. This release of estrogen may cause mood swings.

- Body image discrepancies. After rapid weight loss, you do not recognize yourself or lose a sense of self. You may experience a loss of identity between the inner and outer you.

The postoperative blues typically occur during the first few weeks or months after surgery and subside over time. However, if you find that your symptoms are worsening or are beginning to interfere with your relationships, work, or daily functioning, it is time to seek help from a medical professional.

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Ohhhhhhh Dee, I know exactly what you are talking about. Even with the overwhelming positive comments I've received, I still see the "fat me", and wonder if anyone notices. I've considered going to speak with the psych that did my eval before my revision, or attend her monthly support group just to gain some perspective. I'm by no means depressed, but some days are just more difficult to navigate through. . . I'll keep you in my thoughts, and if you ever need to chat, or vent, I'll send you my contact information and you can email, or text me.

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Hi Dee Dee,

Thanks for commenting on my blog; here's back at you.

Depression or feeling blah and blue is part and parcel of hormone fluctuations as I see others have posted to you. And you're a Libra so you see-saw feelings-wise, as I'm sure you're aware. Give yourself the props you deserve for taking the steps you have towards becoming the new Dee Dee. When the negative voices start up, just tell them to stop it cause you ain't taking that B.S. anymore. I'd say shut 'em up with a cookie, but we can't go there these days, huh?! You're doing great, so tell yourself that instead of I'm still fat. Tell that fat woman to be quiet because that's NOT YOU no mo! If you think your therapist would be beneficial, go talk to her/him. However, I think you've got the cajones to beat down the fat talk.....I've got faith in you! We're all here for each other, so don't be shy about letting it all out as Tiffy says.

Love ya!

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