It seems that i had a brain fluff today and actually realised something about myself. I concluded after going to my boxing class and then going through the mc donalds drive thru for my hubbies dinner (at his request), that i need not roll my bottom lip and feel sorry for myself. **I** need to take control of MY actions and learn to feel good about the choices **I** have to make for myself. atm, i am on my pre op diet sooooo anything of the sort is totally out of the question. as i drove away from the drive thru i had this little moment where i was mindlessly gonna steal a chippie (french fry). before i even got to a second part of the mindlessness, the little switch was flicked, like a light in the fridge, and i was reminded that im on a preop diet to CHANGE MY LIFE. and....there it was. the whole idea of stealing a chippie went out the window, case closed!!! i even managed to sit with my hubby while he ate...and i had my shake. it was here i learned that my addiction to mc donalds was just mindless MINDLESS choices. when i was addicted, i didnt think about the 2 large big mac meals i use to order a day, i just did it, with out thinking about it because i wanted it and must have it. A mc donalds junkie!!!! then it dawned on me about all the other things i do/have done without even stopping and questioning it.

choc junkie, eat it without thinking. must have

bakery junkie, eat it without thinking. must have

cookie junkie, eat it without thinking.must have

iced coffee junkie, drink without thinking.must have

and

and

and

you know the deal....you get the urge for it, you chase it, eat it, get that release, then totally regret it when the *release*feeling has gone. too late then hey!!!!!!

this pre op that i was so scared about has been a blessing in des....... (you know what i mean) it is teaching me ...(pause) that i have to question EVERYTHING that goes in and think WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING, every min of every day. (eg cutting the vegemite crust of my babies sandwich....pfffft only half use to make it to the bin..... i was the *mindless* half of the bin huh!!!)

my dietition asked me weather i was an emotional eater, an over eater a grazer sweet eater and and and (cant remember the rest) i told him i guess i was all of the above, not really knowing for sure, (never really asked myself that question before to be able to answer it correctly and honestly) however he forgot to ask 1 major outcome.... mindlessness. I honestly didnt know which catagory i fit into until now. i know exactly what the deal is after tonights amazing awakening.

i dont/didnt think! in it goes without even a second thought! how do i remind myself BEFORE i do something stupid! i need that little light to come on all the time..... for the rest of my life!!!

(oh boy...i feel sick!:tongue_smilie:!)