I have now been to see the surgon (and am totally hooked on the idea) All my paper work has been submitted to APRA for the release of my superannuation money that will pay for my surgury. 5 working days later they have sent to me saying that i got 10 to 30 working days to wait for an approval. so here i am. i have bought a box of optifast to see what its all about and now am looking at having to stop breast feeding. Swallows hard. wasnt sure when i was going to be giving that one up...but 10 fold is the right thing to do!!!! I also took the liberty of buying some very small plates and bowls... is totally classic! i love the idea of being able to eat from these and be satisfied!! Of cource im a bit scared too. I really hope that my head doesnt let me down! I realised that I tend to keep eating even when the message is....YOUR FULL!!!!! god forbid i waste an untouched T-bone steak that i havent even started on....ate all the veggies first!!! i couldnt do it tho... i couldnt put the knife and fork down. i have since started using smaller plates (not the really small ones yet) and asked my hubby not to freeze 2 big steaks in 1 pack!!! hold him to start halving the sizes for me!!!

pffft have also started to kick my pepsi max habbit today. ***shakes*** im trying to get my head in a better place before all this happens, as i dont know if its 3 weeks away or 10 weeks away. I'm taking it on good athourity to kick the habbit now before i have to kick a heap of habbits all at once!!! ouch....one good thing tho...lol i found some coffee optifast today...**cheerin**

Im so scared i will let myself down. how do you retrain yourself overnight to go a strict new way of life. im 33 and been overweight all my life. I have taken up a number of new habbits in my time to try and loose weight and havent been able to maintain these habbits. hence the problem remains!!! I admire the girls here that have taken the opportunity to get a new life and question where did there new found focus comes from.... i imagine its hard to transition from fatty boom bar to exercise junkie... extreem i know sorry but thats how i see myself and how i question weather or not i can do this...dont get me wrong...i want to do this...maybe it gets easier to exercise as you become smaller, fitter and healthier.

I have realised in all the hours and money i have spent trying to do the right thing, i have ended up failing myself with bad maintnance. (not that i got down to a point where i should of been considering maintnance, and so the depression of doing so well and not looking good/feeling great

yet starts the circle again.)

I look back at my pics and could of slapped myself for not keeping on track. I really hope that this surgury keeps me on the straight and narrow and i can become one of the people here that love exercise. pffft i have loved it once before.... i have to find how to love it again.

I can NOT let myself down again.....CAN NOT!!!

*sighs* another day closer to approval