These long dreary days are not doing much for my get up and go. I find myself bored to tears. Yawning my head off to the point that my eyes are watering. I'd love to be able to have the time to take off and just recuperate from the level of stress my life always seems to be under.

The problem I encounter is when I have a down moment, and things are not moving at the speed of light and sound I don't know what to do with myself! I am so used to the high impact crash that usually happens when my battery stalls from all the overwhelming stress. The ones that take me down to the ground, and keep me there only until all the wounds scab over.

I'm not used to pulling over and letting things pass me and avoiding those high speed crashes, but I am learning and I have been making different life choices these days and it's not just about food.

Last year was a very rough year. It started at its usual break neck speed of things, and the intensity only increased throughout the year. I could write down all the grisly details, but sometimes sharing it all makes me tired and a bit sad. The events were extreme and it's a story that leaves most people staring at us with their mouths hanging open in disbelief. From January to April of last year our lives were zooming along on a roller coaster ride out of control.

New Year's Eve this year we looked at each other, and vowed that this would be the year we worry about us. The year we focus on our health and wellbeing.

A few weeks into the new year, my husband found out he would need a total hip replacement. The pain in his leg and his hip was getting worse by the second so we contacted the Hospital for Special surgery and met with the doctor, and the doctor didn't sugar coat it he told him flat out you need the surgery and that he would not touch him at his weight. He told him point blank go for some kind of weight loss surgery because you can't undergo this operation without it.

He was devastated as I was to hear that. NO one wants to hear they are fat or that they are going to continue to suffer because of it if they don't do something about it, but I had a plan and I had the perfect place for us to go! I called the surgeon I had met 2 years prior that very same day and he accommodated us, so we drove there that very same day and started our Lapband journey!

We jumped over the hurdles and through the testing hoops. We swam in the sea of the liquid diet, and we had our surgery, and in me…something was changing.

I was learning so much more about myself. Not only about the foods I was eating, but why I was eating, and when and how and as I started to look at those things…I had to look at myself.

I mean REALLY look at myself deep down inside in those dark and scary corners that no one wants to venture not even me! Yes my body had changed I had all these new little lines all around my tummy. I had lost some weight and I could see that in the mirror. My clothes were fitting better, but more importantly my attitude was changing.

For me the stress never stops coming, not everything is as exceptional as the last year and Thank God for that! Something's are positive stressors like my youngest son's High School Graduation, College registrations 70th Birthday parties and 50 year anniversaries, but being part of the sandwich generation can really take its toll. My husband and I are caught between our sick and ailing parents who end up in the hospital every other week with life and death issues, from life support to blood clots to life saving surgeries decisions to be made on a dime, and our Peter Pan children who are pushing into their late 20's that seem to not want to grow up and take on the mantel of adulthood responsibility.

We are always under one stress or another, working full time long hours far from home is sometimes a good thing, but most days it just adds to the level of stress.

As I am learning what powers my body, and what it needs and doesn't need what it can and will tolerate or not, I am also learning about myself.

The undue stress I endure when I run and jump and speed race for others, when I take on too many projects and take on other peoples responsibilities it adds to my already heavy burden. I have learned that just because I am capable, and can carry it doesn't mean that I have to.

I am learning to pick and choose the things I engage in, as much as I pick and choose how, what and when I eat.

I love to be able to help people it makes me feel good to share the knowledge and understanding I have, or to give physical aid where it's needed, but it can no longer be at the expense of my health.

It hasn't been so easy for me to understand that I have to come first. I have to put my health and my wellbeing above the rest.

I'm learning to take deep breaths and to try and keep the stress at bay. It's not always possible and it's never easy but I'm learning to cope to work with and around things that I should not be stressing over.

In three almost four months the band has really helped me to make some major changes in my life and my lifestyle in positive ways. I don't think any weight loss would have been possible for me to keep off if I did not make some of these alterations, and I hope that I am able to continue to learn and implement new coping skills and see even more weight loss as I move forward toward my goals.

Taking the time to think about and write all this today, as boring and dreary a day as it is here, has been an awesome non scale victory for me!