Fear....
Omg... So this is a big week for me... full of anxiety... and self doubt.
first... today is a suck ass day.... i hate birthdays and today is a big one... 45. I woke up this morning thinking... OMG... In 5 years i will be 50... I tell you just typing that put a lump in my chest... I'm getting old...
second... Going to biloxi ms with my Best Friends... Gina's birthday was Saturday , mine today and Tracy's next Saturday. So this is what's keeping me up.... the dreaded SWIMSUIT.... This year will be my first time on the beach in a bikini in over 20 years. This is what's playing over and over in my head...... Walking on the beach, people looking and thinking...Who told her she could wear that... She must not have mirrors at her house... Or what if what i see in the mirror is only a refection from a fun-house mirror.... and im really disgusting and ..... omg... i'm driving my self crazy.
and i didn't get to tan like i wanted .... so now i got white fat on top of all that..... CG.. send me some of your fabulous tan...
Ok, Chris... Take a deep breath and remember.... this is as good as it get for now...
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