After much thought and deliberation; i am now seriously considering the lap band. I was skinny throughout childhood and as a young adult, i think i started putting weight on in my early twenties. I never really thought much about it. I have an amazing husband who sees beyond the lbs and sees me for who i really am. I think I've always been in denial. I think i still look in the mirror and see the person who is only 120 lbs and not 270 lbs; really, i know, i'm in denial............

I am not scared to do the surgery, however i'm scared of the new life that comes with it; the WILLPOWER to change things, cause face it, obviously that is why i am where i am; i haven't been able to stick to a diet EVER!

I also realize that I need to do this; i have sleep apnea and i'm sure as the years go on, i will only become heavier.

I know my husband wants the OLD me back and i've been unfair to him; this is not the girl he married and he doesn't deserve me the way i am...i know he would love me no matter what, but i'm sure this is not what he bargained for.

I don't know how i'm going to cope and actually go ahead with this but I know i have no choice and i guess the sooner i come to grips with the harsh reality of being overweight, then the sooner i can get my life back on track and get healthy.

Jan 1/07