So here it comes, a rant. If was bound to happen and here it is. WARNING: there will be lots of negativity

Okay so today must just not be my day. I couldnt fall asleep until 5:00am. Then woke up at 8:30am from a nightmare. I was hungry and I wanted something to keep me full. So I chose 1/2cup baked beans and 1/2cup refied beans. They kept me full all of what 2 hours, normally it keeps me full longer. GREAT. So 11:00am i'm hungry again, I ignore it for an hour at noon I cant do it anymore. I have a protein drink. No joke an hour later Im doing chores and my stomach says hello again. So I saw screw it im taking a nap. I nap until 4:00pm, wake up hungry. So im thinking grits & eggs because normally they keep me full. Overcooked the egg, threw it out. Ate 3/4 cup of organic grits. It seems to be setting on my stomach just fine but who knows how long this will last. So far 618 calories and 45 grams of protein. I plan on have quiona and chicken for dinner. Which will put me right at my 1,000 calorie limit and put me at 65 - 75 grams of protein, depending on how much I can eat.

I am really discouraged right now. I am trying to look at the grand scheme of things but it is hard. I teach the rest of the year and it is a tough school. I 100% need my summer break to recover and have some fun before school sucks the life out of me again and it seems like this summer I haven't been able to do that.

One complication after another. Its 4.5 weeks out my stitch is open, i'm always hungry and I wont be able to get a fill until my stitch heals. Well judging by the looks of things that wont be for a while. So im just destined to be hungry for the rest of summer? I would eat more but im terrified of my band slipping, and even dense protein like grilled chicken keeps me full for like an hour or two. I cant exercise because my weight pulls down my stitch and makes my wound open more. It has honestly increased in size since 2 weeks ago. The doctors are not comforting. Its pretty much 1)antibiotics will heal your wound and 2)hunger is part of the game, get over it.

I think too, I dont have anyone or anything to blame. Blame myself? No its not my fault (other than being this big in the first place) Is it the docs fault, no? Its just life. There is no one to blame

Im doing to start another drawing hopefully this can ease my mind.