The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

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Entry posted by Johnny99 · June 24, 2013

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Whew! It was truly a whirlwind weekend. Since last Thursday morning, I've crammed in 4-1/2 rounds of golf, 2 parties, 1 dinner in the city and Game 5 of the Stanley Cup playoffs. From a normal guy's perspective I would say this would be in the running for the ultimate weekend competition if there was such a thing. From a fat ass dieter's eye view, this was a weekend full of challenges and temptations. The Devil and his sinister sidekick Al C. Hall were lurking around every corner waiting to pull my into a downward spiral. But this morning I find myself sober, satiated and reinvigorated. But it was no cake walk!

The Good - My eating choices for this four day fun binge were spot on! I took my Muscle Milk Light to the club and drank it over ice for breakfast. Yep, I'm slowly drinking this fake chocolate milk while watching 50 other guys load up on pancakes, omelettes, a full assortment of breakfast meats, home fries, pastry and danish and all kinds of toasted breads. Challenge, yes. But I beat the odds despite the wafting smell of crisp bacon. The lunches were more of the same. A full spread of cheeseburgers, hot dogs, brats and sausages were laid out in several different places. And let's not forget the chips, cookies and other deserts. And there was a giant trailer with free draft beer. I was in fat ass paradise and couldn't enjoy the show. I sparingly ate a chicken breast, a cup full of chicken salad and some watermelon slices. During the golf, I ate a few melted protein bars to keep my stomach from growling. At the parties and dinner downtown, I slowly feasted on small bites of salmon and sashimi, a slice of turkey and a few small shrimp, while my fellow diners were scoffing down famous Chicago steaks perfectly pink on the inside and charred to perfection on the outside.

The Bad - I was expecting a cordial reunion with my old friend Al C. Hall. (That's alcohol for you new readers.) It didn't take long for old Al to show up to the party. I decided it was time to have a nip during our first round of golf. Since I was determined to stay away from beer, I had to use a little ingenuity at the half way house. Of course, I would stay away from all juices, sugary drinks and carbonated beverages. But if I started drinking straight vodka at 2 in the afternoon, I was guaranteed to be blotto by the back nine. So I invented a new cocktail. Vodka and Vitamin Water Orange. BRILLIANT! Vodka over ice and add the VW as needed. This helped me nurse the one drink while others were having several more. I was imbibing with my buddies but not falling all the way off the wagon. I had a couple more at the opening dinner party but stopped early due to my ride home. All in all, a good plan for a bad vice .

The Ugly - I can honestly report to you that I won the weekend food battle. I looked the Lucifer of Lard straight in the eye and he blinked first. However, his evil counter part, The Vetis of Vodka eventually got the best of me. It started with a four hour rain delay between matches on Friday and ended with tumble down a few steps while excitedly leaving the hockey game. Since I was being chauffeured to the game and back to house afterwards, I didn't pay any attention to to the number of Geese I downed. I ended up killing the whole flock. Saturday dinner consisted of a bread stick, cottage cheese and a few bites of under cooked salmon. But I washed it down with a couple of Gibsons with devilishly delicious cocktail onions. A couple more at the game with soda and I was as pickled as the onions. The final straw was my pal's idea to have one last double before the bar closed for the last period. That's probably the one that made me miss that last step and hit the floor.

I had two goals for the weekend. One of which was not to fall completely off the wagon. You may disagree, but I feel I held it in check pretty good. My other goal was to weigh the same today as I did last Thursday morning. And I do. Victory is mine. So get your scorecards out and give this one to Johnny.

I am now refocused on good eating and no drinking for a few more weeks. I have another holiday weekend and another golf tournament in the next month to deal with. That means more trouble from you know who. Could a surprise visit from Al C. Hall be far behind? If he does rear his ugly head, I hope there are no stairs around.