The Warrior.

I am not new to stress, any kinds of stress. I have it in abundance, it finds me no matter where or how I try to hide from it.

I am not one of those people that seeks out drama and enjoys creating struggles in her life. I would much rather turn on the TV and see it play out there, where I can turn it off when it gets to be too much.

My life is nothing like TV and there is no remote to change the channel or to mute the nonsense or abort it all together by switching it off. Nope not for me, some days I feel like it's a constant assault of one thing after another.

Trust me I am not one of those people that makes mountains out of mole hills either. The stress I speak of is real, it is the stress of 5 children all over the age of 18 that can't seem to find their direction and all live at home with me. It is the stress of working 12 hour days 5 days a week with an hour each way to commute. It is the stress of sick in laws and fathers. It is the stress of burying ex-wives, and the untimely death of friends with megawatt high profile funerals to plan and execute.

It is also the stress of good things like graduations and holidays. Weddings, and new babies being born. It is the stress of family, I'm sure everyone can relate, not need to expand here.

There are days when I just want to cave in, I want to curl up and give up.

If you knew me that would be one of the last things that this warrior would say or do, but it doesn't mean that I don't think about it, and just having those thoughts of giving up bring me even more stress because I know I am that low, and it is going to take me that much more work to pull myself up and out.

I am the Warrior. I have spent my 42 years battling everything under the sun, yet the hardest battle there is to fight is the one against myself. I am my own worst enemy. I get so lost in the excuse of having to do this and that for all others that I lose the focus on what I really should be doing.

I put aside taking care of myself and I say it's for this one or that one and what would they do if I didn't stop to do it or help them out? They can't get along without my help and my input right? The world as we know it might come to an end is my response. If you follow any of the movies Hollywood is putting out these days…that might just happen with me or without me helping.

So why am I doing something for everyone but me? This year I vowed along with my husband that this was going to be the year I get healthy WE get healthy. Wait a second, I didn't realize that I was doing it AGAIN. I don't have to wait around, or put the fault on him or anyone else. If he can't walk or he's tired or my cousin bought a new car, or his having a baby, that doesn't mean I shouldn't lace up my sneakers and get that walk in today!

My father is in surgery and my son is graduating and the tent my sister in law was supposed to lend me conveniently has holes in it from of all things ants, that or she just didn't like that I called her out last night on her bullshit, but either way that doesn't mean that I shouldn't make a better choice for dinner then Domino's pizza! Even if I can only eat 2 slices instead of half the pie it's still a bad choice.

Wait a second, I think the bug zapper in my brain finally came to life, and zapped a few of those annoying thoughts that plague me with their incessant buzzing annoyance. You know the ones that I bred to keep me distracted and diverted from doing all the things I should be doing to make my life healthy.

I went through major surgery to make my life better! I didn't just sit in some pretend yoga pose chanting I think I can I think I can I think I can. No, I really can! So what the heck am I doing? Why am I not getting my act together and getting out there and working out and eating better. I have NO excuse. I have to stop blaming everyone and THEIR problems. I have to stop making their problems my problems.

I have to start taking care of my problems because I just realized no one else is going to do it! No matter how much I help them, they are never going to be able to help me with what I need. I have to open up and let go and start doing it and stop making excuses to myself about why I feel the way I do.

So what you, feel the way you feel. Acknowledged now deal with it. Get off your ass and do something about it!

I know I can, I will and I AM! Right now! Today! This very moment. I am the Warrior!