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Split personality....

stept04

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I think I have split personalities, I'm not quite two weeks out, but one part of me expects that I should be 50 pounds lighter or something. While the other side knows better. On one hand I am already rethinking my decision, while on the other hand I am happy it has finally came. I am fighting with myself that I have only just begun this journey, and it has not even been 2 weeks. So, I am going back and forth with this junk in my head. I know I need time to heal and then time to get the right fill possibly,but the other side of me is like I'm not eating so I should be dropping weight right?. My husband says my face looks thinner even though the scales not moved. I think a part of me unconsciously expected to much, I think i secretly thought I'd wake up from surgery and be thinner and drop weight as I walked., a pound a day type thing. Consciously and reasonably I know that is not realistic by any means, but i still struggle with that other "personality" in me. I'm still fighting with that part of me that has helped keep me big all this time and has helped me fail in every aspect of losing this extra person I carry around. Maybe that's it, It is like a second person I carry around one that does not want to be pushed away or put aside. But I'm so done with that relationship. I want the thin me to be the only one I carry around. So, to do that I'm going to have to win this fight between my two egos and literally beat the fat out of the fat person in me. So with the help of this group, my Doc's team of professionals, and the thin person in me I will prevail. I have to do this, I have to be successful this time it's the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs, and I up to bat with 2 strikes and 3 balls and this girls not walking or striking out it is a hit I'm going for so I'm going to swing and with help of my new bat (band) I will hit a home run.

 

~~~Stephanie



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Stephanie - you are in the most difficult part of the journey. The only way I can describe that part (for me), was a roller coaster ride, unlike any other. But I have to tell you.....now 11 weeks out, and back to most foods, it totally changes. No, the weight doesn't fall off (yeah, I wish it would, too), but it's coming off consistently, and now I look back on the last 11 weeks, and I'm 26 pounds lighter. Would this have happened without the band? NO - it wouldn't have!

When the negative ego rears its ugly face, try & remove yourself from it; listen to its unreasonable voice, but stay neutral. You can't really stop it from talking to you.....it's been with you forEVER. The "real you" knows what's best for Stephanie, and that is the voice that needs to intervene between all "head conversations". I refer to these as "the committee". The real you is the one in control.

I love the analogy of the baseball game! Hold on to that..... THAT Stephanie is the captain of the ship. You can and you WILL do this!! It was a good decision, and I believe that you will know that clearly in the weeks to come :-)

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I knew when I started this whole venture/journey that it took years to get fat and I planned on it taking 1-2 years to get to a livable weight that I would be comfortable with for my age. I had chosen 170 for a goal and then thought maybe lighter than that and when I saw my doctor 1 week ago he said he is thrilled with me now, 60% of my BMI gone. When I got married 42 1/2 years ago I was 144 (with diet pills) and that was a nice size for me, I think. Take one day at a time and one pound at a time. It may take over 1 year to get to the magic number for you.

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We have all failed so many diets in the past, it is programmed into to us that this will just be another failure.It takes awhile for our minds to catch up and until it does, I tell that inner voice "to shut the hell up, I'm in control now".

Even now after losing over 90 lbs, every once in awhile that voice is telling me, "so you lost some weight, you've done that before and gained it all back,j/s" and I'm still saying "Shut the hell up ".

I didn't gain it over night and I'm not going to lose it over night. I'm just taking it, One day at a time. I screw up, I start all over.

We can and we will do this!

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Hang in there banded sister. You have a struggling, allie in me! I don't know why it hasn't come off quicker. I don't know why I get frustrated and eat more than I should, or what I shouldn't. I really loved your baseball analogy. Made me smile!!

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