In The Beginning...
I am tired. Physically, mentally...you name it. It's all tired. I know what I have the opportunity to do here. I just can't find the jumping off point, the selfish self-caring button inside me to get motivated to care for myself.
I have been blessed with a job that has an insurance company that will most likely pay the majority of the bill for a surgery that I can use as a tool to help shed this other layer of body that is encasing what I should be. I live where one of the best centers and doctors for this surgery happens to be.
There are many things to consider. The mere fact of another abdominal surgery is a tremendous one. 3 c-sections and a gallbladder removed has already left enough trauma to that area.
Having a permanent device implanted is causing a bit of a phobic reaction.
Normal fears of surgery, allergies to meds I have experienced, etc. have all surfaced.
The fact that I have a painful disability in my heels that cause me to have limited exercise ability. Also a torn miniscus in my knee that needs surgery, ironically caused from the physical therapy to my heels.
My addiction to carbs and sugars is causing me to consider whether I can make this worth it. It is so serious that I have considered going to a physician for some kind of anti-compulsion meds to see if this will curb the cravings. It may be my lack of energy because of sleep apnea that leads me to sugar and caffeine. I seldom want protiens, maybe this is why the vegetarian lifestyle is so easy for me. There are plenty of healthy vegetable protiens but I only seem to want carbs, even after a detox or a fast.
So much to consider. It is so obvious to others that I need to do this. Even my dad, who is anti-everything, is supportive of it.
I have at least a month to make the decision. If I cannot get my sugar problems under control I don't see how this will work.
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