Hmm.. I'm not exactly sure how I am feeling... I took a little break from my workouts this past weekend... bad idea.. had to really push myself to start up again.. but happy to report workouts are back on... of course the scale? Yep.. back up... waah.. I am hoping its the whole "woman" thing.. darn I hate this time of month.. its just so discouraging.. wish there was a magic scale that could take in to consideration how much I actually weigh without all the bloating.. Yeah yeah.. TMI right?

In meantime - I'm at a crossroads.. I've began to realize that some of my 'triggers' are a direct result of the anxiety I feel when it comes to my family. I love them.. however I have a feeling my love, my concern for them prevents me from becoming the best that I could be... mentally, emotionally and physically. Granted I can't put the blame all on them.. afterall I am one of those people that take the whole world's problems and make them mine... what am I doing? I've begun to realize that I put my life on hold for the people that I love... so now? I have been thinking seriously for the first time in my life - to be selfish.. I have decided to do what I want for me.. for my life, for my future.. and well whether I fail or succeed - (success is what I am aiming for) I am readying myself for a major move.... To pack up and move to California... Every vacation I take, I never want to come home... is that strange? I feel as if I need a change - not just a physical change - but a LIFE change - a change that the band can't give me...

So tomorrow I do what I've been wanting to do for quite sometime I put in my notice at work.. I'm giving myself until the end of July to get my affairs in order and make my move to California... Where in Cali? Not exactly sure.. I'm thinking I spend sometime close to some long lost family out in Fresno... just far enough away from the craziness that is my family.. but just close enough that if I'm 'missing' having family around it'll be a short drive to see them... Will my Arizona family be happy about it? Doubt it.. will THIS make me happy? I don't know... I just know that change can be good... good for the soul..

I have lots of plans - things I want to do - that perhaps 200lbs ago I would've scoffed at.. exploring the trails at Yosemite, King's Canyon, and Sequoia National Parks.. or having a 3 to 3 1/2 hour drive to San Francisco and experiencing and appreciating the eclectic sights and scenes that the city has to offer.. not being afraid this time around to jump on the city's famous trolleys...Or to have to opportunity to mark off my bucket list of doing a Napa Valley Wine Tour... its those "little" things that I want to enjoy.. the little things that right now I find myself too busy to enjoy.... Can I enjoy those types of little things here in Arizona? Sure I can! (minus the Napa Valley trip..) But my heart tells me that I want to experience more... and I believe I shall start with California.. Wish me luck!