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Understanding the psychology of it all!

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Spaness2012

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This week I have been confronted with more and more people noticing my "physical changes". This makes me feel very vulnerable and I am not sure why? I have been heavy my whole life and I think, for the most part, I have "accepted" this about myself. Even "identified" with being heavy. With time, I have compensated by having a BIG personality in order to be "seen". I drove myself to accomplish many things. For instance, I was a good student, I worked very hard on my career and got promoted because of it, I am a good friend, sister, daughter, etc. I really felt that, aside from my weight, I have a lot to offer to the world and I am displaying this in other aspects of my life. Until my weight became a VERY unhealthy issue, I really didn't think it held me back from living my life. The more people focus on my physical changes...the more I want to hide. Hiding was never an issue when I was heavier. I have noticed that taking a compliment has been difficult, that the more people focus on how "good" I look...the more I have tuned down my personality in order to now take the focus off myself. My brain still has not caught up with the changes my body has made. I am hoping the journey will help understand these new feelings and vulnerabilities. Perhaps accepting a new identity and a new normal. I am learning a lot about myself and as much excitement this process brings....it's also dusting up fears that I didn't even know I had.

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I know where you're coming from. As a big girl, I was the extrovert, the one with the big heart, the one who always gave of myself, but since losing weight I find myself far more cynical and have put up walls to protect myself as well. I don't think I'm any less of the person I once was, I am just more careful about who I'm like that with. You will change as society changes the way it views you, and you will find a new normal, I'm sure of it.

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You said it EXACTLY as I feel.. isn't it strange how now we seem to be trying to take that focus off ourselves? I just want to be me.. that's it.. I am STILL the same person that I've always been... except now? I am having difficulty figuring out if people are truly interested in ME or just what I look like.. :( as Lellow said - putting up walls, becoming cynical.. being more careful.. we've got to find a new normal.. darn it.. and I was 'used' to my normal.. this is all new - for all of us!

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