I've had a lot of surgeries. Initial lapband surgery, a torsoplasty, breast augmentation, 2 port revisions and now, finally, a band replacement. So pain and feeling horrible is something I can put up with, because I know it's for a greater good.

But this nausea might have me beat. It's day 3 of it with last night being the worst. I spent a lot of the night dry retching and feeling like absolute crud. I alternated between goosebumps and convulsing and then shivering and burping then dry retching all over again. When I did sleep I had nightmares.

I've lost 7lbs in the last week but I feel so awful that for the first time, I am regretting what I've given up for the weight loss. My 7yo son is visiting and is going home back to his dad tonight and all I can think of is how all he saw this week is his mum in pain or so sick she can't spend any time with him.

My partner is being awesome. He keeps reminding me that this is not just for today but what I needed to do for my quality of life in the future, but I guess right now, I can't see it. I can't see past how horrible I feel.

I've spoken to hospital and they've suggested medication to ease the nausea so I'm going to try that and hope I can salvage the rest of the day with my boy. I'm hoping that at least that regret, I will be able to work on.