I've turned the corner...
I hate to sound like a broken record with talking about me NOT smoking but, hey......this is MY journal, and I can say what I wanna say, eh?
Last Sunday, December 24th -- Christmas Eve -- was the roughest day so far in my quit. It was day 32 of being smoke-free, and thought it would be my last smoke-free day.
I was experiencing all of the classic syptoms of nicotine withdrawal: temper tantrums, instense needs, feelings of dependency, insomnia, mental confusion, vagueness, irritability, anxiety, negative emotions, and depression.
Who had I turned into? This wasn't the REAL me. I was putting my family through Hell! Worse than that, I KNEW how I was acting, and I felt helpless to stop myself from doing so. I was out of control.
I told my husband that night that I was at a cross roads; something had to give, one way or another. I would either continue to live in that Hell, or I would light up a cigarette, go back to smoking, and be the happy person I once was.
Being the wonderful, supportive individual he is, my husband said, "Just tough it out for the rest of today. If you feel the same way in the morning, go ahead and smoke."
Christmas morning came. I got up and got my coffee. I came upstairs to the computer to look at these message boards.
But........wait.........something was different.
I no longer had that spacey, empty, on-edge feeling I had had for 32 days straight. I took a deep breath and concentrated on how I was feeling at that moment. "Hey," I thought. "That's not half bad! I feel......wonderful!"
It happened for me, folks. I've read about people quitting smoking, and have found that most people hit a plateau to where they either sink or swim. I got to the top of that mountain, hung on, and went to the other side.
And that's where I am now! I MADE IT!!! I am no longer in withdrawal. I am back to my old happy-go-lucky, cheerful, happy self!! I wanna shout it from the top of that mountain, I MADE IT!!!
Today makes 37 days smoke-free, and I've turned a corner in this journey. I know now that I WILL be an ex-smoker for life!
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