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A confession

♕ajtexas♕

1,233 views

Many of you know my story, banded February 2012, reached my goal weight in December 2012 and have been trying to maintain that weight since. Many of you say I’m a success and look to me for advice & guidance.

 

My biggest fear with this journey has been gaining my weight back once I reached my goal. I never feared the surgery or the weight loss; I knew I could do it. But, could I handle maintaining this weight for the rest of my life?

 

Tonight, I failed. I failed myself, I failed my band and I failed my family. I am so disgusted with myself that I want to hide in a corner so no one will know…..

 

But, I must face it and confess.

 

I had purchased a box of chocolate drumstick ice cream cones for my step daughter this weekend. She ate 1; tonight I ate the other 9. YES 9! At 170 calories that is 1, 530 calories in less than 1 hour. One right after the other, big bites shoving them down as fast as I wanted. The band didn’t stop me, in fact it didn't make a sound, let me gobble away a lot of hard work.

 

I write this confession with tears running down my face. I feel like a complete and utter failure. I knew I would f** it up and I did. I can’t even tell you why I ate them. My evening routine was no different than any other night, wasn’t bored or depressed or stressed. I saw the box, opened one knowing darn well I shouldn’t and then the only thing that stopped me was getting to the bottom of the box. I honestly wished to get sick so I would stop.

 

It was complete sabotage. I was trying to failure. I have to face this and stop it. I do not want to gain weight, I do not want to binge eat like this and have this sick feeling.

 

I had to make myself write this blog, I had to face up to it. This is the only way to grow and learn. I am only human doing the best I can. I will put this behind me and move on.



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It's over with and tomorrow is a new day. You are not a failure, you slipped, we all do some times.

Thank you for sharing this. It helps me and I am sure others, that no one is ever perfect. I eat more than 1 cup at dinner.

Have a better tomorrow.

Hugs,

Arlene

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Thanks Arlene. One of the things I stress to myself as well as other is to be honest. Writing this blog and logging all 9 ice creams in MyFitnessPal is being honest to myself & that is important to me.

You are right tomorrow is a new day.

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Yes you are only human, we all make mistakes. I have never been a binge eater so I don't understand the urges behind it, my issue is I am a grazer and I have to fight that all the time. The band does nothing to help. It did for the first couple of years but now the urge to snack is back in a big way.

I am sure that you will not repeat this mistake again soon and you will be fine.

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AJ, what you have done is helped those of us who think we are the only ones who cheat know that everyone does.

And what you've done is helped yourself get recommitted. Your last sentence shows your dedication to staying thin.

Don't beat yourself up over this. I'm so impressed that you made it this far. I'm way behind where you are, but I'm looking up at people like you who have gotten to their goal, and telling myself that if you can do it, I can too!

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Oh sweetie! How brave of you to post this "behaivor". Stop looking at is as BAD or FAILED...it's a behaivor that needs some attention and you shined a light on it. It's part of us...the journey. Today is a new day to be conscious of it. Big hugs to you.

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Is what you did good- No. Is it unforgiviable- Nope. Yes, you boobed up, but you can get back on track. I boobed up this weekend, ate out twice and at a cookie when I baked for my hubs office - apparantly this wasn't good, my weight is up a pound.

We can never truly appreciate success unless we have to fight for it. So now put on your big girl panties realize you messed up and start a fresh doing what you are suppose to. Since those ice creams are a trigger, try not to buy them any more, or if you have to take them out of the box, place them in a brown paper bad in the freezer- that way you won't be tempted every time you open the freezer.

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Awwwh AJ... I feel your pain. Today is a new day and I respect you for blogging about it. Look hard for a trigger, tired, bored, lonely. You logged it so now move forward. One slipo does not a future make! Love you! <Hugs>

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It can be difficult to accept that some of those entrenched behaviors are still with us, even with all of the hard work and success you have experienced.

Old habits die hard...and being honest with yourself and others is a huge step forward in the stages of change. We always need to be vigilant with our triggers and lapses. It happened, and you learned from the experience. You are moving forward again, and today is another opportunity to make better choices.

You are a brave and inspirational woman...now onward!

Big hugs to you!

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You've got to take it easy on yourself! You're human, fallible and succumbed to temptation. Naturally thin people do it too, enjoy it and don't beat themselves up over it like we do. Hugs AJ, you will get right back on track. Now wipe those tears and pat yourself on the back for being brave and accountable :)

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