OK, here we go. I am going tonight to a seminar in Boston at Beth Isreal Hospital to hear all about the lapband. Even though I have already done a lot of research on it already I am really excited and eager to hear all about it once again and hopfully meet the surgeon that will change my life for the better.

Since this is my first entry I will list my goals that I hope the Lapband surgery will help me in accomplishing:

1. I want to live a long and happy life for my children. My children mean the world to me and I can't imagine leaving them earlier than I am supposed to due to this baggage I have carried around for a lifetime.

2. I want to feel and be healthy. My doctors always say that my number, points etc. are all perfect but I know personally, that I don't feel perfect.

3. I want to be more like the woman my husband married. When we dated I was about 40 lbs less than what I am now. I was a lot more fun to be with, a lot more sure of myself. Now I never want to hang out with our group of friends because I am totally ashamed of how I look.

4. I want to be able to get dressed up for a special occasion without ending up in tears. I also want to be able to put pantyhose on without ending up all sweaty and out of breath.

5. I want to be able to borrow clothes.

6. I want to be able to shop at any store.

7. I want to sleep without my arms falling asleep.

8. I want to be able to walk on my feet without giving them time to adjust to the weight they are about to carry all day.

9. I want to be able to wear shorts and sleeveless shirts without the side effects of chub rub.

10. I want to stop sweating all the time.

11. I want to stop trying to hide lumps and bumps.

12. I want my boobs to get smaller so that my back stops hurting.

13. I would like to be invited to a pool party without that sudden fear.

14. I would like to chase after my children and enjoy it.

16. I would like to buy a halloween cosume that will fit me.

17. I would like to fall in that catagory as one size fits all.

18. I want to look tidy, not messy.

19. I want to stop fearing the airplane seat.

20. I would like to jog.

22. I would like to wear boots that go up to my knee. They have never fit my calf before.

24. I would like to stop getting dressed in the closet when my husband is in the room. ( this one should be #3)

25. I would like to take my clothes off and not have an impression of them still an hour later.

I'm sure there are hundreds of other wishes but these have been on my mind most this year.

Please who ever is wathching listening or reading hear my prayers or if you don't believe in that hocus pocus just send a little good energy my way.

Words cannot explain how much I want this all to happen.

It's amazing that losing weight can change so many things. As I read your list, I started to tear up because I feel the same way about alot of the same things. Having this surgery will probably be one the best decisions you'll ever make. I'm looking forward to following you throughout your journey. Keep us posted.