Okay, so I took the tests the psychiatrist told me to take. You know the kind……you use a Number 2 Pencil and fill in the bubbles. Two different personality tests, et al. I called his office last week and left a voicemail, asking him to please fax the results to Dr. Curry’s office (my surgeon). He calls me back and tells me that he wants to discuss a few things with me.

Uh oh. Hmmm. Okay.

So I go into his office yesterday to discuss the results. He’s ‘troubled’ by some of my answers, and thinks I need to see him once a week for three months to work on some of my ‘issues’. This guy thinks I’m certifiable, and is going to tell my surgeon that I shouldn’t have the lap band procedure at this time.

What the Hell?

I guess that’s what I get for being completely honest in my answers. He went over those answers with me, and I gave him my explanations for giving those answers. Each time I gave him an explanation, he gave me the once-over and mumbled, “Uh HUH.” And then scribbled something on his note pad.

Sanctimonious, judgmental sonofabi-otch.

Here’s your explanations, buddy. The REASON I have nightmares each night is because I’m wearing a freakin’ nicotine patch. The nicotine patch is notorious for causing nightmares. Dr. Curry told me I hafta quit smoking, so I haven’t had a cigarette in 28 days now. The nicotine patch helps takes some of the edginess away.

The REASON I am anxious and edgy is because I haven’t had a cigarette in 28 days, after having smoked for over 20 years.

The REASON I experience "sweating for no reason" is because I am menopausal. They are called NIGHT SWEATS and HOT FLASHES, you moron.

The REASON I feel pain in the back of my neck is because I have a C5/C6 vertebrae problem. What the Hell else did YOU think it was?

The REASON I have a ringing in my right ear is because I had an inner ear infection with I took the freakin' test. It's not because "I hear things" or "I see dead people" type of situation. Get yer mind out of your ass.

The REASON I said that people talk about me is because, uh, HELLO, they DO. I walked in from the plant the other day at work to find my boss and a co-worker saying something about my pretty, red sweater. So, I answered your question honestly, you dolt. It's not because I'm paranoid or anything. My answer wasn't a NEGATIVE connotation. And I joined into that conversation with my peers about my sweater. What the Hell were YOU thinking???

The REASON I have dizzy spells is because of the aforementioned inner ear infection, causing a little vertigo. Why the Hell do you feel the need to read things into my HONEST answers?

The REASON I’m a little depressed at this time of year is because I don’t get to see my kids. Holy Crap. ANYONE would be a tad depressed because of missing family members at the holidays. Add to the equation that people trying to quit smoking experience depression and, voila, you have a patient, such as I, stating: “Yes, I experience depression.”

Stupid freakin’ “read everything negative you can about this woman and her answers” doctor (and I use the term ‘doctor’ loosely).

The REASON I nibble on food – even when I’m not hungry – is because I’m trying to find a substitute for sticking a damn cigarette into my mouth. You call it bingeing. I call it finding a substitute for a cigarette. It’s not bingeing, you idiot. Why the Hell do you think I want this surgery? People who nibble all night long after dinner NEED to be banded so that overeating will become physically impossible.

So, this unprepossessing fool holds the keys, as it were, to me having this lap band procedure. With one sweeping, generalization about me to Dr. Curry, he holds the power to either allow me to have this life-altering surgery, or to deny me the hope I’ve built upon for the past year that I’ve been researching this procedure.

Man, I want a cigarette. Bad. It’s seven o’clock in the freakin' morning, on Christmas Eve, and I’m thinking of hoofing it down to the local convenience store and getting a pack.

I emailed Dr. Curry when I got home yesterday from Doctor Whats-his-face, and told him just what I think of the so-and-so, and WHY I answered the way I did to some of those questions. With everything I’ve read about Dr. Curry – and from my assessment when I met him in person – he strikes me as genuinely interested in helping people like me who have tried and exhausted every other avenue to permanent weight loss.

Dr. Curry, if you read this, please give me the benefit of the doubt. I’m thinking of sending the link to this journal entry to you.

*sigh* I need a cigarette in a very bad way.

EDIT: Damn. I'm so upset I couldn't even count straight. My last cigarette was on November 21st, so today makes 33 days without a cigarette. Wow. I am wanting one in a bad way.

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry about that mess. I hope you didn't go get the cigs. That doctor just wants money. Is it to late to see another doctor who will just do an interview without the questionair thing. Today is day 35 keep it going.

Teressita - no, I didn't get any cigarettes, and THANK YOU for your comments!!!!!!! Today marks 35 days, 1 hour, 9 minutes and 48 seconds smoke free. That's 701 cigarettes not smoked, and $141.75 and 5 days, 8 hours of my life saved. Like I said, I emailed Dr. Curry and asked him to schedule me with the psychiatrist that is in his office once a week. I haven't heard a word back from him, and I am worried.

Wish me luck!!