"When are you going to have babies of your own?"
I never thought I would find that question so offensive. I am guilty of asking such a question when I was younger to my own Sister. I do believe people have no malicious intent when they ask such a question but yet it can come off so offensive. My Wife and I have tried for three years to get pregnant with no luck. We both went through extensive testing and seen numerous specialists. It was determined I was the problem. I was not producing viable sperm. I under went Surgery last February to determine if I had a blockage and to see if they could extract viable samples to be used in conjunction with IVF. They got a little and we had it frozen until such a time we could move forward with the IVF. We were warned by both my Doctor and My Wife's that we should be prepared for back up options such as a donor as they had little to work with. My wife and I decided donor was not something we wanted. If we could not have them biologically then maybe we would consider possible adoption down the road.
My surgery was in February of 2012 and the IVF cycle was in May. Even though we were told the odds were not favorable but yet possible we had very high hopes and less than 24 hours later after the IVF cycle our world came crashing to a halt as we were notified it didn't work. We both cried for two days and I personally took it harder than I expected I ever would. I guess part of it is because even though I did nothing wrong I felt like I failed us both.
Now 8 months later we talk about it less but the memories are fresh. I still blame myself and haven't really moved on. This past weekend we were visiting my Wife's cousin who has 16 month old twins who we simply adore and love to spend time with. My Wife posted the below picture on facebook which lead to a lot of "When are you going to have babies of your own?"
Naturally, it is our own fault for posting the picture but I cannot help but be annoyed. One of the people who asked is an Aunt who does not have kids herself due to medical complications. One would think she would've been more tactful.
Next time you consider asking someone when they are going to have kids take a moment to consider that there maybe more to the story and that it could be a sensitive subject!! I guess this is my payback for asking my Sister and Brother in law many years ago. I am however a proud Uncle of a 22 and 15 year old!
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