Once Upon a Time...

there was a girl. And let me tell you, this girl was awesome. Incredibly funny, kind-hearted, full of energy, beautiful and ready to tackle the world! This girl had four amazing children and loved them so incredibly much that she kept the biggest souvenir she could from each pregnancy. So after 10 years of having these amazing children, this awesome, funny, kind-hearted, full of energy, beautiful girl was.... fat.

But that was really ok, because she was still the same person she always was.

The End.

Ok... so there's that fairy tale. And there's a lot of truth there, really. I gained weight with each pregnancy, tried and failed to lose it, only to gain it back again and again. Same old story. After I had my 4th child, I hired a personal trainer and with his help, lost 60 pounds and felt terrific! Then we moved. No support system, new gym, you know the excuses. About 20 pounds crept back on, but I was still proud of myself. Then we moved again, this time out of state where we knew NO ONE. I made some friends, ate out a LOT, drank my fair share of Bud Light Lime & Twisted Tea, stopped going to the gym altogether and the weight came back, full force, plus 40 pounds.

I think I was born with some sort of self-confidence gene that most people don't have. I was always confident in exactly who I was, no matter what my body looked like at the time. I remember the very first time I ever had a crack in that confidence... it was about 6 years ago when I had lost that 60 pounds. I was at a womens' retreat with church and had accomplished a tremendous feat. They have this hill that goes from the lake up to the campsites and I swear to you, it has to be about a 65* angle. It felt like I was walking straight up a wall. But I made it. And I didn't just walk up the hill, I RAN up that hill. I felt like Bella scaling that wall when she smelled human blood the first time she went hunting after she turned. I digress... I made it up the side of that mountain and just collapsed at the top, chest heaving, pulse racing, heart about to burst. And oddly enough, in what should have been a time of great joy, all I felt was sadness. I couldn't believe that I had lived my life on the sidelines for so long. I was disparaged that the Lord had given me this body and I had wasted it.

I never thought I'd go back to "that place" but I did. I gained all the weight back, and then some. And now I'm at a point where I don't want to let myself down anymore. I'm still that awesome girl with a great husband and four amazing kids. I STILL don't have any real negative body image issues (although I also know I SHOULD), but I know I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to set a good example and be healthy for GOOD. I'm ready to be around for my kids, I'm ready to jump on trampolines & go on rides at amusement parks without a second thought as to whether I'll fit. I'm ready to sit in the bathtub without having to shift to one side to let the water drain out. I'm ready to get naked in front of my husband of 11 years! I'm just READY.

My surgery is scheduled for 12/12/12. Sounds like a good day to start my new life to me.