Surgery scheduled for the 27th of September. The nerves are really starting to kick in. I have a step mother that when I told I was doing this surgery turned and asked me," was i really willing to die for my kids to do this surgery?" Well i am sure as any mother would say, no one wants to die during any surgery. i am doing this surgery for my kids, for my health, and for my husband. Reasons for my kids: well first of they are my boys, i would never want to do anything to lose them. I want to be able to keep up with them when they are playing. For my health, I have a labral tear in both hips, as well as, an abnormal growth. For my husband, well i want to look good for him. i want to feel his attraction of wanting me again. see we met when we were both in the military and of course i was at my skinniest since middle school. after getting out of the military and having kids and my health, well i gained quite a bit of it. it seemed from that time, my husband just seemed to be pushing away from me.

now back to my story upon this surgery. ever since i decided to truly do this, many of my family have supported me or have turned away from that support. after what my step mom said, i have had many negative dreams about things happening in the surgery or afterward. i know with my doctors records hes had many good results, but that doesnt mean depending on the individual that it could go wrong. i just dont want to look in a mirror and be disqusted of myself. i try not to look at myself for long if i can help it. i want to gain my self esteem. i never really had one, but id like to get one. i deserve the best and its about time i put myself first. my next blog will be closer to my surgery.nite all