Today is my last day of "freedom" and eating like a pig. Last night me and a friend went out for a last meal. I ate the biggest steak i could. I was going to drink some cocktails but then just was not up to it. I'm scared the band will not go onto me and its a failure. I am scared i never wake up from the operation. I have even had astma attacks today. I am ready for this change, i am willing to do it, i want to do it, its the right time etc

Tomorrow morning at 6.30 i will book into the hospital and start my new day my new life and hopefully my new me. I will be able to actually keep down every kilo i do loose not pick it up plus another 10kg as after every diet. I weighed myself this morning i was 142.1 i've already lost weight in the last week yet it feels like i am eating more than ever. No matter what i eat, tarts, ice cream it just does not satisfy me. it does not make me happy, there is no pleasure.

I have so much support from friends and family and my bosses, but now im wondering maybe i have put to much pressure on myself now because everyone will be watching me. Maybe thats a good thing maybe thats a bad thing.

I wish it could just be over and out. Done and dusted so I can go home and start doing what i have to.