This weekend was a rough one. My weight had gone up on Friday and I was really worried the band was not going to work for me, my fear getting the best of me. I was really down unable to figure out the patter of my weight ups and downs. I was feeling like I had failed on many fronts. I have been married 3 years and the first year I had 3 miscarriages. I am able to get pregnant easily, yet I can not carry past a month or two. This hurts greatly, I have always wanted to be a mother, so I feel like I am not a "true" woman because I can't have a baby. I also feel like I failed my husband in that I can't give him a child. This has been a great hurt for me, but most of the time I can deal with it and stay rational and not let it get me down.

This weekend though I felt like I was failing the band just like I'd failed at motherhood. I had a good 'ole pity party Saturday. After giving my house a good clean, I sat down and let it all out to the hubs and had a good cry, then a good nap. It helped to get it all out. It does seem like loosing weight and changing so many of my habits have an effect on my emotions. Just as everything else in my life, apprently this is going to be a roller coaster.

Please do berate me for my feelings and opinions, they are mine and I have a right to them. I am doing what I am suppose to and following my teams directions. I have lost weight, but for me the chaging of myself carries an emotional toll. I have been overweight since I was 6 years old. My habits started 25 years ago.

I suppose everyone needs to have a pity party every now and again or just a good cry, this weekend was mine.