I feel like for the first time in years, I am actually taking the necessary steps to better my life! I can't wait to start losing weight and feeling good about myself again - both physically and mentally. The past couple of years have been such a downward spiral for me, I have gained SO much weight, my attitude has totally changed. I used to see myself in such a different light. I liked who I was and I was comfortable in my own skin, even being overweight. Now, I look in the mirror and I see a disgusting, fat pig who is lazy, unproductive, depressed and eating her life away. I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON ANYMORE. I refuse to be that person ever again. I have made an official vow to myself and my family that I will do everything in my power to get healthy again, from the inside out.

I sit here thinking about how much time I've let pass where I could have been actively trying to lose weight. All the diets that I quit, all the times I said "I'll start tomorrow" or "I'll just cheat this one time." For me, it all comes down to willpower. I always say I don't have any, but guess what? Starting today, I have all the willpower in the world! I will never say I don't have the willpower to get healthy. Because that is like saying I don't have the will to live. And I do! I want to see my kids grow up, I want to be a positive role model to them and to others who are embarking on this same journey. I want to be the person who said "IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN!"

I am very excited for my surgical consultation with Dr. Rantis on 8/2. Excited and nervous. What if I can't get my insurance to take care of it? What if Dr. Rantis doesn't feel I'm a good candidate? What if, what if, what if. I know it's counter productive and totally useless to worry about these things as they are not in my control. I guess I need to get better at learning to let go and let God.

I am going to keep trying to stay positive, through the good and bad. Attitude is half the battle. And for this moment, nothing is going to get in my way on my journey to losing weight and getting healthy.