Pretty random, huh?!

Since yesterday I've had episodes where it feels like my heart is beating in my throat. I've had SVT in the past (super fast heart rhythm) so it was a little concerning, after two heart ablations I can't have another, I'll need a pacemaker, so I was a little worried (pacemaker at 28 - NO THANKS!!). I met with my PCP today and she thought that it could be a few things, either the vagal nerve getting irritated by my band, not eating enough calories, or dehydration. I could buy into the vagal nerve thing because it does affect me after fills. I'm only taking in around 600-800 calories a day and burning about half with cardio daily, but I'm drinking around 80-100 ounces of water a day. My heart was in normal rhythm, blood pressure was great. Her suggestion was to up my calories or try to correlate the feeling to something specific. Hmmm...not sure what to do.

Plans! I'm a total planner, but I never have anything to do. Make sense? When something comes up to do, I plan it all out, but really my life is boring and all I do is sleep, work, jog, repeat. For some reason, maybe because I'm finally living my life, I have SO much to do. Every weekend for the next month and a half I have "stuff". New concept for me, I love my free time, and I kinda feel like being committed to something and having things to do puts me back into my OCD-ish mode of becoming a control FREAK. (In case you're new to my journey...after the psych eval for WLS, it came about in a round-about way that I have PTSD from a childhood trauma, and my way of dealing was to ALWAYS be busy, never sit still, and if I HAD to sit still I would keep my hands busy by eating...and got to 243 lbs). After seeing a couselor for a few sessions, I took on a whole new lease on life. I go with the flow, relax, read more, only clean my house every few days instead of for an hour every day (no kids to mess it up either, just a little over the top about cleanliness). Having things locked down that I have to do kind of sets me into this frenzy, I realized today. Hmmm...something else to think about a solution for.

And lastly and most importantly, I just have to say it feels SO great being successful with my lap band journey. I've never dealt well with failure, and tend to dive into things head first and never come up for air, so seeing the scale slide further and further down feels AMAZING. For the first time in my life, I think I feel proud of myself!

My husband asked me last night if I was sure I wanted to have my goal so low (it's at 160, and I'm 5'8", he's worried I may look too thin). I assured him that I don't want to get too thin (what a concept to think about though!!) and I would see how I felt once I got there. I may want to go lower, may want to gain a few pounds (another mind-blowing concept!). My coworker asked today how much more I would like to lose and when I said 35-40 lbs, she said she thought that may be too skinny. Again, people with this skinny business!! Although I value their opinion and concern, this is something I'm doing for me, and assured them that when I get to a weight that I feel healthy I will try to maintain.

Have any banders at goal gotten any reponses about being too thin? How do you deal with that?