sorry, I dont know what happend but I will continue with my comments to you. I have realized over the last 2 years that food will probably always be an issue for me just as a diabetic deals with constant issues regarding carbohydrates. I somehow hope that I can come to terms with my issue though realistically I believe that I will never be able to go back to pre-band days because I have an addiction to overeating - just like my husband will never be able to drink again because he is an alcoholic. So for me, and maybe for you as well, we somehow need to be able to come to terms with our food addiction and be ok with the fact that we had a problem and now we have a tool to help remind us ( afterall, if I overeat the consequence is throwing up and I don't like that). There are times when I push myself but those times are rare. It seems that you are moving in the right direction by searching within yourself and not living in denial about the food issues. Over time, maybe we can remove the "food" as you mentioned in your blog and perhaps we can be cured? until then, I try to take each day at a time along with reminding myself that this has been one of the toughest decisions I have made ( choosing to have the lap band) because it has taken away one of the most enjoyable aspects of my life ( eating whatever I wanted). I have grieved on many occasions for the life that use to be with food and this is hard for non-lap band people to understand. I wake up each morning with a smile on my face knowing that i can face the day with being depressed about being fat -wow, what a difference that has made in my life that I would never want to give up. Hope this helps, this is the first time I have shared my feelings with anyone because my husband is the only one that knows about my lap-band, I have always been too ashamed to share it with anyone else ( my issue). Take care, Noelani