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Lapband Relationship Curse - A Night Of Thinking...

Tuckersmommy10

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Starting to believe its real !

 

I've never been one to compain and i normally keep it all inside, and i think telling friends how i really am feeling would be to personal.... and i don't want thier judgements...

 

Where to start??

 

I am pretty sure my relationship is crumbing to the ground.... We've been together almost 6 years and have A 2 year old son and a daughter on the way.... We own a home, a cat and dog, rabbit and hamster ( The mini farm ) I am a stay at home mother who just finished my phlembotomy... Normal basic life... But really i'm feeling miserable.

 

The term unhappy is an understatment. I am so sick of the fighting and tension around this house... I find myself happy when its just me and my son... There is a form of peace till he gets home from work. He has no patience with me nor our son. I find myself crying a lot from the things he says to me or about me or to my son. Tucker doesn't even call him dad, he calls him Curt. I ask myself daily why i stay? Well, Money and embarrassment are a BIG part of it.. I would hate to admit my relationship failed. Living with my mom would be hell.... litterally.

Curt NEVER wants to do anything as a family... No trips....... Not even to the pool. I took him with us once and 30 minutes later he wanted to leave because tuck was "running" off... UMM hello! He's TWO! He's having a good time! Its not like he's running THAT far away. Which then caused a big fight between us... curt left.. i stayed for awhile.. I just think curt will never be the loving dad i want... He is there money wise... but not THERE with us... Curt sees us maybe 2-3 hours a day... and a full day on sunday. Which ends up with curt yelling at me or tucker for something.... I spend most of my time at my parents house , or doing things with Tucker... I feel unwelcome in my own home.. Curt works nights and Tuck, being two.... can be loud during the day time causing curt to get all pissed off and take it out on me.... There are too many little fights to mention... Back to my son.... Maybe Curt and I were raised different..... I was raised where the belt was used as a threatening type item.... and i can only remember getting hit with it once... Where as i think Curts parents were physical ...... from what i'm thinking. I normally ask tucker to stop... and count... and tell him i'm going to take away _____ if you don't stop.... ECT type of punishment before i spank...... Where as Curt just says to stop... and if he doesn't..... Then curt just spanks him.... Today i watched him slam Tucker down on the bed for not going taking nap ( We had been fighting with him to lay down for about an hour ) Yes i was frustrated... but nothing like that... Curt just doesn't have any type of understanding of the two years old mind... Then he smacked the back of tuckers head tonight when we were in the bathroom after asking him to stop messing with the rabbits cage ... and it seems nightly after bathtime curt ends up spanking him because tucker fights getting outta the tub and getting lotioned and dressed.....

 

I can just tell his parents were like that with him.... Just spanked vs verbal correction..... This is just NOT going to work....

I feel like this entry is all jumbled and mixed up with no point... I feel like my child needs two parents.... but i feel like i'm the only parent right now... like i can't even trust Curt to watch tucker meaning i have him 24/7. I love my son, but i would like to have 5 mintues to myself with worrying if curts going to fall asleep while watching Tucker... or forget to feed him lunch... or not wake up for him after a nap.... Tucker doesn't really have a relationship with Curt.... ....... Curt isnt exactly a bad guy.... he works ALOT but he uses that as an excuse to not be there, or be tired..... Well i am tired of trying...

 

 

EDIT-------------------------------------

This whole no patience with us thing just started... aboout 6 mos ago.

Hes not wanted to have sex much.... Which makes me think... Okay he is cheating... But then again... I don't think so...

 

Enough Ranting and Bitching for tonight.....



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You say it just started 6 months ago. Do you thinkk that maybe Curt is feeling some stress over another baby coming? People release stress differently, it kinda sounds like he might've tried holding it in and the dam broke so now everything makes him go off. I'm not saying he's cheating or not cheating, or its the new stress or not, but something new is going on. If this isn't how he normally is, I would seek counseling from a pastor or the like before you call it quits. p.s. You are definitly not complaining, you are reaching out for answers, and thats good.

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FIRST OFF- I would NOT consider Curt abusive... ect.. Its just not how i feel children should be handled. I am not above spanking because sometimes you just have to to get Tuck to realize the word no. He has a hyper active disorder and he gets in trouble if he gets bored and requires 100% Constant attention or he will get into things or get hurt. Obviously his parents spanked for everything vs a verbal correction or warning ( They had 3 boys and i was an only child hince the difference )

Second- He smacked the back back of his head.. NOT HARD, just smacked it... NOT SLAMMED IT.

THIRD- I am not in fear of my sons life.... Its not even like that. Its just not my parenting style. Nor in fear for mine... Emotionally we are just not there.

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WOW- had to delete 3 comments... this is why i don't talk about it because i feel like people focus on negative vs postive changes..

KMT1973 thank you for the advice! I agree...

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I'm sorry for the negative comment.

I grew up in a home like that, after 17 years..... well, that's my story, not yours.

I hope everything works out for you and your family.

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I think alot of this has built up... Curt is working up to 60 hours a week in 100-111 degree weather... and then us fighing and just the silence isn't helping anything... Maybe i need to sit down and just talk to him. But its hard to open up ..

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Do you think that maybe he is somehow angry or fearful you will leave him? You have lost weight, do you think that maybe you are re-evaluating your relationship because you might feel that you have more options? Just a thought....

I filed for divorce 8 months after I got banded because my ex was becoming a total douchebag. I realized that all I had been through with getting laid off, losing both parents etc.. that I would work my ass off vs being stuck in a place where I was not happy. Do you think you could get him to counseling? IF not maybe just you? Good luck!

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Douchebag is an understatement... I don't think he thinks i'm going to leave.. I actually am still 50 pounds bigger than when we met. I don't really know how to explain the **** he does... Its a HUGE reflection of his brothers & dad... For example.

His mom works long random hours... She works for a catering company and also helps them with the food service part as she is a manager... She might get to work at 5 am to check a grocery order and work alllllll day till 6 or 7pm at night.... depending on whats going on, and i've even seen her stay till midnight to serve drinks ect.... So 5am to midnight is a long freakn day.... And she still comes home and does dishes and cooks dinner. Like His dad will call her at work and ask her what she's making for dinner when she gets home... KNOWing shes been at work since 5am.... She comes right home through the door and starts on the dishes that have piled up all day because they refuse to wash them... I'm not even kidding... Him and his dad will let the dishes set all day... and only wash enough for them to fix a sandwich or get a drink. It pisses me off so much to see her be treated like that... His dad and his brother work.. But just a normal 40 hour week. and are home by 4 daily.

Now on to curt.....

If he sees a mess, he will walk right past it and leave it for me to clean up. The other day He made himself a pizza and when i got home he had left the pizza pan on the stove with the cutter setting next to it and the pizza box & rapper on the counter along with his dirty plate and glass.... LIke it was just sitting there... and the trash can is 3 ft away.

Really? Thats stuff you would see a teenager do... And i think honestly he gets that from how they treat his poor mom..

We have a rabbit that stays mainly in the bathroom due to him making a mess with the bedding, and in the mornings its on the floor. Curt will walk right past it instead of grabbing the broom and sweeping it up.

I'm pregnant right now and my hip does in and out, so i have to be very careful going up and down stairs because i will fall if it slips out. Our laundry is down in the basement and the stairs are pretty steep so i try to avoid them for fear of falling and even the pain after i walk up and down them without falling. I have to ask him to go start a load of laundry... like a week ago he had NO work clothing and still was too lazy to get up and put some in...

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I have to write a "list" of stuff for him to do because he wont do anything... and he claims "tucker" wont let him. I can clean the WHOLE house in one hour while tucker naps..... ONE HOUR!! So Tuesday Tuck went to tinas ( A local sitter ) and Today i took him to chuck e cheese... BOTH days Curt said he'd clean up the house... Sweep, Swiffer Mop Vac & dust and clean the bathroom... Oh wait.. He said he'd so this sunday while i took tuck swimming.... And He's put it off ALLLL 3 times.... I feel so overwhelmed by all the crap i still have to do, i'm tagging all of my sons old clothing to sell to make room for the new babies.... and i'm studying for a big test coming up i would just like some help... I get sick of being treated like a molly maid!

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