I am curious to know the "WHY" you sabatoge yourself. I find myself not sabatoging myself but have a certain amount of fear about being "skinny". Maybe if I was closer to goal I would feel the need to. I am really not sure where my fear is coming from. Know this....you are not alone!

yes you are not alone. maybe you're afraid of the pressure of maintaining when you get to goal, this way you are always working towards your goal. i know for me to shop on the regular side of the clothing store still freaks me out and i almost have a panic attack. i still cant make myself go into store that dont sell plus sized clothing as well as regular. i totally understand you.

I have only known FAT. I was made fun of as a child, picked on by my family and bullied in high school. Tearful now just typing this. I lost a lot of weight on my own after college because I was so active. Two years after my daughters birth, I ballooned to 217 (I weighed 204 the day she was born). That's when I knew I needed help. I do feel great at 175, more active and I workout daily so I figure I have just let myself settle here. I do so well during the day, it's the evening when my family wants to watch a movie and snack. I guess it comes down to good old fashioned self control. And i'm so hard on myself when i don't eat like i should. I can wake up and my first thought is the regret of what I ate the night before

With my weight loss, I have noticed some attention from men, nothing inappropriate but compliments that seem genuine but I noticed I struggle with that greatly! I am very uncomfortable with that attention. My husband says he will help me at night. We are going shopping for 100 cal weight watcher snacks and i get one per night and I'm going to kick up my exercising. We both feel if I can get below 170 I will have proven to myself there is nothing to be afraid of. I am blessed with an understanding husband/friend. Thanks for your comments. Sometimes, I do feel all alone with these crazy thoughts.

I have had my band two years. I started at 236, got down to 180. Then I had foot surgery and was on crutches for 6 weeks. I am back at 200 and fighting to get started again. I know I need to exercise, and I don't mind working out once I get started. I just don't start. Any suggestions? Any motivation you can think of to get over it and just do it?

It sounds like you gals dont think you deserve to be happy and healthy and slim and trim. I know it sounds wierd but it is probly pretty close. No one is going to help you but you. Sure you have lots of support, and yes they are helping you, but they can only help you if you allow it. Your loved ones, get pure joy out of seeing you happy, believe it or not. Every person on this earth deserves to be happy. Dont hold yourself back. Take control of YOU. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and look yourself in your eye, and tell yourself. "You are beautiful and deserve to be happier than you could ever imagine". I know it sounds silly, but it works. Come on and get to your goals, dont let yourself down. You wouldnt want to let anyone else you love down. Tell yourself everyday I CAN DO THIS!!!

Don t you all think we make excuses "if I weren t fat-I could~"or "if I was a size 10 I would~ "....and We think thin means happy.So as we approach"normal" it scares us. Then we have to face the real "us".....and we do have issues-we wouldn t be fat if we didn t.! We are self-destructive. Thats why we over eat-over drink- smoke or eat chocolate even when we don t want to.!

I remember years ago-thinking I needed to go to overeaters annonymous.I ate when not hungry-ate when over full-ate things I didn t even want. that was before the Lord gave me the BAND.

I ve been banded for 3 years and am 10# below my goal for some reason.

My daughter says I need to get some fluid out of the band.I always have a "spit bottle" with me in my bag or in bed.It honestly doesn t get easier. I can t eat eggs-bread-pasta-meats-salad-veggies(unless they are mush).I eat mashed potatoes/gravy-sometimes mac&cheese-homemade soups low in salt.and ONLY water.I seem to have a lot of fluid to spit-like the slime. I do not over eat-still 1/2 to 1 cup portion. I eat after noon usually after 4pm.Crackers and crunchys do better than most things. I recently found that refried beans are agreeable.1/2 can.good for you-right.

I like getting into a size 10-and the compliments I get.I haven t been a real social person but when someone says "wow you look great-you lost a lot of weight"(almost 90#)i just thank them and tell them i have stomach problems .!........I am still so ashamed of myself~ I couldn t admit I was voluntarily banded.Only my daughter knows.I cannot do it on my own.So I am in this sort of forced anorexia thing-i don t eat or can t eat or eat very little.My choice to be"normal".I can live with it.A smaller size feels better than food tastes.

But don t think you ever get over the wanting food.! You don t. I love the food network programs-always have. And watching a nice big red steak makes my mouth water.I miss the meat.

My Dr asked me a year or so ago if I wanted him to take some fluid out of my band for Christmas so I could "enjoy the Hollidays"-I immediately said "oh no thank you-I ve enjoyed a lifetime of Hollidays-Thats why I m like I am".I haven t had a fill for probably a year and half.

If I had one wish-I would have the fluid out for 5 minutes so I could guzzle a jug of water and then refilled to this level.When i do drink too much or too fast it comes back.BUT I m terrified of not having this band. We are complex aren t we.?

Thanks for letting me vent a little. I live alone and my cat just doesn t seem to care.!

Thank you for all your comments. it has been so helpful to talk to people who understand. Boobun06, it is time for us to stand up for ourselves. I have decided to work on an unfinished quilt i found from my grandmother when I am tempted to eat. I bought some 100 cal snack bags for movie night. I am walking 30 minutes every day (are you allowed to ride a bike?). i'm checking my weight once weekly and giving myself one month before i return to my clinic for evaluation. I have to be accountable. I read in my lap band book that most patients don't go back because they are ashamed. I called my clinic and told them what was going on with me and they were super supportive. They encouraged me to take this month to get my feet grounded. they also told me that after 6 months some fluid can leave the band and it needs to be adjusted for continued weight loss. this helped me. boobun06, we've got to restart somewhere, baby steps, and go slowly, don't be ashamed and do the very best we can do.

nahnawray, thank you and yes I agree with you. my image of myself has always been so poor, so I struggle with seeing myself "thin". I am going to look in the mirror every morning just as you suggested and tell myself compliments. this is my step toward loving me.

And jojobanana, I don't know why I am so private about my band, it just feels personal and I only want close friends and family to know about it. do you think your band is too tight? i only have a problem with slime (i call it a mucus plug) when eat too fast. but you did make me think for the first time in a long time that maybe my band isnt tight enough. Also, I can eat a few bites of steak but it must be juicy and not overcooked/dry. I really wish you could enjoy a few bites yourself.

Thank you all again. This has been like therapy for me. All the best to each of you.