Embarrassed!
i have been going back and forth on rather i was gonna blog this today, but i must own up to my failures as well as my successes. well i am going in for a fill today. i got on the scale and it has been slowly creeping up. today it said 210!!! i had gotten to 202..that was from february till now. to some that may seem like not a lot, but mentallu to see that second number as a 1 and not a zero just sent me into a mental place i dont need to be. i just cant believe i let it go this far. i take full responsibility for my weight gain. yes i still was in the gym but my eating habits have become less than desirable..ok let me not sugar coat it..i was down right wrong. now i know i need a fill, but i found myself in the past few weeks thinking..it didnt matter what i ate cuz i was gettn a fill and i would just get back on track then. this is the same thinking that held me captive at a size20!! now my 12's still fit, but i know it's only a matter of time before that changes.
i think i blogged this to show myself that even though i am one year post op i still have some mental changing to do when it comes to my weight loss journey. i thought that one year out it would be a walk in the park. i long for the day that i dont have to make a conscience effort to always think about what i am eating for the day. i long for the day that my weight is not always on my mind..but i dont think that day will ever come.
so i've come to accept that my way of life is to be constantly aware of my weight and food intake.
jennifer
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