I am about 2 weeks past my one year anniversary of my Lapband surgery. I am trying not to think about where I hoped I would be by now. Instead, I am thankful for where I am now. I have lost 45 pounds. I know that is not comparable to other Lapband patients, but my struggles and successes are my own and no one else's. I have struggled with my weight my whole life. Previous blogs have detailed my history. I guess I expected the band to make losing weight seem effortless. Although that is the case with some people, that has not been my experience. I have learned a lot about myself during this past year. The most important thing I have learned is that my struggle with food is much deeper than hunger. Over the years, food has become my friend who comforts me after a stressful day at work or in an uncomfortable situation, who celebrates special occasions with me, and who brings peace to my life. The Lapband has provided me the opportunity to get control of the physical reasons that I eat so I can deal with the other emotional and spiritual reasons I eat. It has not been easy. Many of the comfort foods I often go to are foods that go down easily with my band. It took me about six months to get my band adjusted to where my meals are the right size. Then I struggled with eating only my meals. I often justify an ice cream on the way home from work because I have barely eaten anything all day, especially during certain times of the month when my band is tighter. I am learning to carry those temptations to God as well as the emotions that cause the cravings. I am not successful all the time, but it is getting easier to make the right choices the more I turn to God and rely on Him. My eyes have been opened to the magnitude of the hold food has had over me the past few years. It is an addiction. I came to realize this after the many times that I have committed to seeking God before I eat for the wrong reasons only to find myself asking for forgiveness after I had finished eating. I realized that the food was coming before God if I couldn't even think about God and come to Him before making the decision to eat. It was always afterwards when I was feeling guilty that I considered my commitment. I have made significant progress in my journey, but I still have a long way to go. Spiritually, I want to love God more that anything else and be able to show that by totally giving Him my food choices. Physically, I have about 60 more pounds I would like to lose. However, I am thankful for how far I have come and thankful for my Lapband that has helped me get this far.