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Hmmm Friends Or Not?

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mylynn1377

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So I have been having a few issues with my best friend lately. We don't see each other much as she lives about 3 hrs north of me. It was hard enough getting together before I moved down south with my fiancee. Single mom, tight budget, crappy vehicle. So I would wait until she had to come to my town to have lunch etc. Then I started finding out she would come to town and no one would tell me until she was gone. Then another friend of ours just started going up to her house all the time and hanging out, going to parties, the bestie would have theme parties at her house and everyone was "oh we thought you wouldn't come, drive, have a babysitter" ok........sure it's nice to be invited though. Fast forward a few months and now I'm engaged. She tells me that my track record with men sucks (which is true) and she thought I was moving to fast with someone I barely knew.....wait a minute, I'm sorry I've actually known my fiancee since high school..yeah we were good friends in high school, lived close to each other in the middle of nowhere, and I've been friends with his mom about as long as I've been friends with him...hmmmmm.

 

I asked her to be my matron of honor in February, she didn't ask me anything about the wedding, not theme, decorations, location..nothing until May. She said that she is having personal family problems with her oldest son and she just doesn't have the time or energy to do anything else or think of anything else. Ok that's fine so I asked her if she wanted to opt out of the wedding and take care of what she needs to do, whatever she needs, or however I can help. So she got mad at me. Well hell....

 

So since then she has apologized for acting like that and hurting my feelings. That's fine. But she has still only talked to me once about the wedding in-depth and I'm getting married in October. In addition she is supposed to be my planner, and her husband is marrying us.

 

So to top it off I finally told her that I'm getting lap band and ....she got mad. Because she doesn't have insurance, so she can't get one. Ok I'm not saying she doesn't need a band or that it wouldn't help her. But she's about 5'4 and 220...I'm 5'2 and 325....but then I also gave her info on self pay and all the deals that they have for surgery in Mexico. She got madder at me about it...I give up.

 

My Dad told me that like any other situation in life such as drinking, doing drugs, smoking...stuff like that, you surround yourself with people who are like you. And when you decide to change that situation people resent it immensely. I already moved, got into a really healthy relationship that is leading to commitment, and now I want to loose weight and be healthy. He believes that I may have to reevaluate some of these relationships, especially if they aren't supportive. Since he went through AA and has been sober for 12 years, I kind of think he may be right.

 

In the meantime I am just letting it be and doing my thing so that I can put myself first for a change. I don't do much of that.

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hey mylynn

hate to say it but it sounds as if your (friend) is a smidge with the green eyed monster in just about all areas of your life.

you are trying to improve YOU. you are doing it. right this moment you are getting closer and closer to being who you want to be.

pity her if you must but do not let her control your mind/heart in making your life better. you are fighting for you. you are winning. dont stop.

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hey mylynn

hate to say it but it sounds as if your (friend) is a smidge with the green eyed monster in just about all areas of your life.

you are trying to improve YOU. you are doing it. right this moment you are getting closer and closer to being who you want to be.

pity her if you must but do not let her control your mind/heart in making your life better. you are fighting for you. you are winning. dont stop.

Thanks carolinagirl it's pretty much what my parents, my fiancee's parents, my future sister-in-law, and my fiancee have told me. It's a hard habit to break though, as I've been doing this dance with her for 15 years. It always seems that when I am really low is when she is there to swoop in and rescue me, but when things go well for me she seems to distance herself.

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I say drop her if she doesnt want to support you thru your harder times then she can sit on the sidelines. If and when you see her dont inform her of things. Just hi, Im well. How are you and let it be. Iknow I had A LOT of family and friends tell me I was going to die having the surgery. Im down 55 lbs and feel amazing. Still not goal weight (about 30 more to go) but I am happy I weeded out a lot of the negative people in my life. The WLS is very hard to deal with emotionally and mentally and then the food and to add negative people is just not something you should put yourself thru. good luck and hope to hear something on a more positive note in a few months... Maybe some wedding photos! Enjoy YOUR life and dont worry about hers!

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Take it from an girl with experience in this field, life is much easier when you surround yourself with people who support you and "get" you. I had to cut a few ties with high school friends when I moved away. They seemed more than willing to offer criticism for whatever I was doing but getting support or understanding was like pulling teeth. If she's a source of stress for you, do the hard thing and cut her out of your life. You can easily explain that your life is headed in a good direction, and you're sorry she can't be supportive of you but right now, support is all you need from her.

Keep in mind, you're never too busy for a good friend. :)

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Wow, Mylynn, that is a difficult situation to be in. I feel your pain. Everyone has their demons and it sounds like your friend may be coming face to face with some of hers. Yes, you're doing well in your life and making changes for the positive. Sometimes, that is really hard to watch. If you've been friends for 15 years and you still want to hold onto that, confront her and have a heart to heart. Your friendship deserves to be saved, if it can. If, after you have a candid conversation, she is still distant then she is not ready to support you the way you deserve. This is not to say that she is not your friend or that she doesn't still love you. It just means that your relationship is going to change, she may no longer be your "best friend". And that hurts. You are allowed to mourn the relationship that you lost (IF you lose it). The good news, it sounds like you have a pretty awesome support system in place with your new fiancee, in-laws and all the new friends you will make in your new town.

Chin up, you'll get thru this. We are all here for you and pray for the best outcome.

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