Well I have a surgery date!!!! It was scheduled for July 2nd but I had to reschedule because I have family coming in for a visit and I really don't want to have to deal with family coming in and just having surgery. Plus I haven't told anyone that I am having the surgery. I know I need to but I have some family that is somewhat against it and I really just don't want to hear the negative. I have two sisters in law that have had the lap band and have done well with it and then I have another sister in law that struggles just like me with her weight and is against the surgery. She has seen some things with her sister that she didn't like after her surgery and so she is quite vocal. I love her for her strong feelings and beliefs but it sure makes it hard for me to tell her what I am about to do.

My surgery is now scheduled for August 1, 2012. Again, there are all these emotions that I feel. Like first, I don't like the idea of spending the money for me to lose weight because I can't seem to push my butt away from the dinner plate. At the same time i know that I need to do this for me and that seems selfish. I watch Dr Phil a lot and he talks about how mothers are the biggest influence on their daughters and men are the biggest on their sons...well I want to be that influence that shows my daughters that you have to take care of yourself and be strong and in control and I feel like I have failed so far in that area. My youngest daughter has a eating problem too and I have to make sure that she understands that now is the time that she really has to think about herself and her body and taking care of it. Otherwise she will pay the price later in life. I want to make my overeating issues a positive tool instead of a negative one. To show that you can fight back and get control.

So over the next couple of months I am going to do a lot of soul searching and make sure that I make this new life change easy for my family as well as for me. I am going to take back control of my life and hope that I can be a role model that my girls will be proud of.

My husband is another issue. i can't figure him out these days. He is a big supporter and is more anxious for me to have this surgery than I am. I know he would like to have his skinny wife back and he has gone with me to meetings and will be going to my next doctor's visit and I appreciate it more than he knows. BUT I think he thinks this is going to be so easy. When I was going to have my surgery in July I told him that I didn't think that it would work because his mother was coming up to visit for a week just 3 days after the surgery. He was like, so? I think he thinks that this won't be a big deal after the surgery, ya know that i will bounce back immediately with no down time. I don't know if I will be down very long or if any at all but I sure didn't want to ruin my mother in laws first trip up here. He also hasn't made an attempt to try an make any changes on his part. I don't know what I am expecting from him. He is a good man and I know he will be there for me through this but I just don't think he realizes what this really means. There is a book that our doctor gave me that is real detailed and my doctor requires that my husband read it too and when we go in for my next visit , the doctor will ask lots of questions to make sure that we read the book. I have read it and will re read it before my visit but my husband hasn't even looked at it. I have reminded him several time and he says, "ok I will read it" but that is as far as it goes. I just hope he is willing to really be my support person.

Well I have to stop here. will be checking in again soon.