Yesterday I had an appointment to have an unfill, and it couldn't have been too soon.

They took out approx. 1.5 cc's and i haven't felt better since mid January.

Dinner Yesterday was the most I've eaten (about a full cup) since January.

It was my third unfill and these are the reasons i decided to deflate:

1. My hair was falling out

2. My nails were flaking off

3. I wasn't sleeping

4. I wasn't able to concentrate

5. I wasn't loosing weight

6. i was getting stuck, slimming, PBing everyday

7. I had started vomiting (the dangerous kind)

8. I wasn't happy

and most importantly

9. I was developing a food phobia.

While it may seem ideal for an overweight person to have a food phobia,

it had gotten to the point where i would have only have massive amounts of coffee in a day.

Maybe a sugar free fat free vanilla pudding (60 cals) or 1/2c tomato soup (90 cals)

I stopped functioning, i would cry at the thought of eating, my bm's where nonexistent, and i had fallen down more than once.

I'm still having this internal battle because part of me still doesn't want to eat (because getting stuck sucks and hurts) and the other part thinks with the amount of fill I had removed, i should overeat to make up the nutrients that i'm missing. (Basically Binge)

I've been a good girl though,

Ate dinner last night, but am trying to convince myself to eat some breakfast/lunch.

I'm still scared but more willing to try some foods.

Before the unfill i was tight until 4pm then i'd end up eating too close to bedtime.

So i need to start earlier in the day. i'm looser now so i shouldn't be overly tight in the morning, just more-restricted.

I still have some hurdles in front of me,

but as the Brit's say i'm going to

"Give it a Go"

until everything is alright.