Is It Normal To Feel So Isolated?
Im on day 7 pre op liquid. Im getting on better than before. I can honestly say the biggest hindrance is my environment. Everyone around me who knows about my upcoming op is acting off with me. Its like they're all treading on eggshells while trying to offer minimal support (Since Thursday, my mother father brother and his girlfriend have ordered 5 take aways, brought in 6 giant bags of chocolate, crisps, popcorn, other fizzy drinks to name a few of the supports they're putting in place) today my father cooked a family meal and invited my other brother and his wife up. I asked him to start serving before they arrived so I could say I had eaten because he knows I decided to keep my decision to get the op private and he completely dismissed me in front of the others in the room categorically stating that he wasnt changing dinner plans. He had said he'd eat with me after everyone but just didn't call me down and he ate with everyone else. I stayed in my room an hour and a half just feeling so low and let down. It's like my mere presence was an annoyance to his family dinner plan.
I have also overheard them talking about me and criticising my efforts, saying how I haven't exercised and it's in a week. It's on my mind to really get into exercising and I had planned a gym visit tomorrow after work. I feel like they're having such a negative impact on my mental state in the run up to the op. I actually can't wait for them to go back abroad on Fri before my op on Monday. And then ill be all alone which one would think woud be a worse alternative but it cant come quick enough.
I feel so so low. I am at rock bottom. I cant stop crying once i think of how isolted and alone i feel. My brother hugged me earlier and i just wanted to sink into his shoulder and weep. But i cant tell him or anyone how im feeling or why im so down. I know it cannot have escaped their notice how bad I've been feeling but no one will reach out to me and I feel insulted at how 2dimensional they think I am- they think oh she must be in a mood because she can't eat when it's not that at all- I'm ok without the food, of course it's tough but I just feel so misunderstood and isolated. I am apprehensive about this whole process, it's something I'm trying to get to grips with mentally. I want to succeed. I wan to change but i terrified about doing it alone- of having no real support. ,I hate how I'm viewed and how little respect I receive from my family. I have no credibikity with them. They just think I'm an ogre. A grumpy fat ogre strung out for food. Lip service and generic statements are easy to give but the reality of the support is Non existent. I am alone but worst of all I've never felt so alone. I don't know who this depressed person is. Is it normal to feel this emotional?
Any advice on how I can go forward would be greatly appreciated.
4 Comments
Recommended Comments
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now