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Is It Normal To Feel So Isolated?

Cazz

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Im on day 7 pre op liquid. Im getting on better than before. I can honestly say the biggest hindrance is my environment. Everyone around me who knows about my upcoming op is acting off with me. Its like they're all treading on eggshells while trying to offer minimal support (Since Thursday, my mother father brother and his girlfriend have ordered 5 take aways, brought in 6 giant bags of chocolate, crisps, popcorn, other fizzy drinks to name a few of the supports they're putting in place) today my father cooked a family meal and invited my other brother and his wife up. I asked him to start serving before they arrived so I could say I had eaten because he knows I decided to keep my decision to get the op private and he completely dismissed me in front of the others in the room categorically stating that he wasnt changing dinner plans. He had said he'd eat with me after everyone but just didn't call me down and he ate with everyone else. I stayed in my room an hour and a half just feeling so low and let down. It's like my mere presence was an annoyance to his family dinner plan.

 

I have also overheard them talking about me and criticising my efforts, saying how I haven't exercised and it's in a week. It's on my mind to really get into exercising and I had planned a gym visit tomorrow after work. I feel like they're having such a negative impact on my mental state in the run up to the op. I actually can't wait for them to go back abroad on Fri before my op on Monday. And then ill be all alone which one would think woud be a worse alternative but it cant come quick enough.

 

I feel so so low. I am at rock bottom. I cant stop crying once i think of how isolted and alone i feel. My brother hugged me earlier and i just wanted to sink into his shoulder and weep. But i cant tell him or anyone how im feeling or why im so down. I know it cannot have escaped their notice how bad I've been feeling but no one will reach out to me and I feel insulted at how 2dimensional they think I am- they think oh she must be in a mood because she can't eat when it's not that at all- I'm ok without the food, of course it's tough but I just feel so misunderstood and isolated. I am apprehensive about this whole process, it's something I'm trying to get to grips with mentally. I want to succeed. I wan to change but i terrified about doing it alone- of having no real support. ,I hate how I'm viewed and how little respect I receive from my family. I have no credibikity with them. They just think I'm an ogre. A grumpy fat ogre strung out for food. Lip service and generic statements are easy to give but the reality of the support is Non existent. I am alone but worst of all I've never felt so alone. I don't know who this depressed person is. Is it normal to feel this emotional?

 

Any advice on how I can go forward would be greatly appreciated.

 



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Cazz I'm so sorry to hear how terrible your family is treating you. This is a time when you need their support more than ever. When they go, who will be with you to help you? Does your doctor's office or the hospital offer any mentoring or support groups? I would definitely reach out to the office and see if there's someone there you can connect with. You are not alone and do not have to face this alone. These sites are helpful, but it's not the same as having someone live that you can talk to when you need to.

As for "normal" feeling this emotional - I'm guessing yes. I was a total witch at the end of my pre-op diet because I was so flipping hungry! I'm better now, but it's only 9 days after surgery. I wish I could tell you the worst was behind you, but truth be told, you're going to need some real support the week after surgery. I don't know what I would have done without my husband, mother and brother.

Good luck with your family these last few days. If you are comfortable telling them how you feel, I suggest you do it. I'm not one to hold my tongue, but I understand not wanting to discuss your feelings with them. Sometimes its easier to let them be - but you deserve better than that. I don't know you, but I'm sure you are not a "grumpy fat ogre strung out for food". You are a strong, focused, determined woman who knows she has something to deal with and is choosing to better her lifestyle and make a change to live a longer, better and healthier life.

You can do this,

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I'm so sorry. I chose not to tell many people because I knew I would hear negative feed back like, "Your taking the easy way out, or just eat right and you can lose weight"... My family knows, but I have limited number of friends that know.

Some people in your family are probably just jealous because they know you will be losing weight in no time and that probably bothers them (weird I know but it's probably the truth). Keep your head high. Your about to lose weight and feel great! The first couple weeks are really hards but once you see that number on the scale go down it will feel so good. Good luck in your journey.

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if you live with these people, you can't expect them to change their eating habits because you are changing yours. They probably don't know what to say to comfort you right now, and maybe you are feeling low because of the liquid diet and not having food as an emotional crutch.

it will all get better soon, keep your chin up :) don't take things so personally (much easier said than done).

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Maybe during large family meals you can "have plans already set" or have a class at the gym you are taking to get you out of the house and usually when you exercise you have a better outlook and mood. I am sure it is difficult right now to exercise since you have such a limited calorie intake but a pedicure might be nice :)

If I were you, I would never sit in my room sad and alone again. Only you are in control of your feelings. Choose not to be sad and get out and do soemthing different. Later they will see you leaving and exercising while they stuff their faces. As you get skinner and come in after a run while they are all carb loaded, they will start to be the ones taht feel bad. Just thoughts!

I am so sorry that you felt that way. SO tough!

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