Ok i know that i already posted a blog earlier but i cant help but to remember things that i want to talk about and didn't. Life with lap band isn't perfect and it wasn't meant to be its a tool just like a computer or a calculator is its there for help. It isnt there to just take the fat away while you do nothing its not an easy fix, now the reason i say this is because i can not count the number of time i have been told well isnt that cheating? And this is my answer "NO you dont understand i have a leave of control that wasn't there before. I have this tool to help me to not make bad choices and sometimes i do and then i realize by my own hard hardheadedness that maybe i shouldn't have done that. But again its nothing more then a tool". Then another question i have been ask is Why couldn't you have just done this on your own? This would be my Favorite question. And here is what i usually say " have you ever been on a diet and got stuck at one number and at the end of the day you just felt like it wasn't worth it any more? Well it was like that for me and i would give up or maybe you went on a diet but at the same time wanted a big plate of food and you just said screw it and ate whatever you wanted any ways and then gained weight and the whole thing just didn't seem to work for you? that is why i did it because i need control and i need a way that wont let me cheat and i need to feel like i can do something about the way that i look." Here is what the people who love you and care about you need to understand its all about you with lap band now i dont mean go and forget about others but you have to make your weight loss something that is yours. Something that you can control and something that is for you because if you dont want to do it then you wont. It has to be for you and yes there are other reasons mine was i wanted to go to a water park with my family and wear a swim suit nothing skanky just wear one again. i told my self that if i could get down to the 100s by Christmas we were going to great wolf lodge (its an indoor water park). I know i was banded in September and didnt give my self much time but for Christmas i was at that water park and i was in a swimming suit. Again nothing skanky and i wore shorts and a shirt but the good thing was that i didnt really have to and i damn sure didnt have to wear boys swim trunks and i didnt have to wear about ten undershirts. I was in a women swimming suit and i wasnt scared of well maybe i shouldnt wear this im too fat. i was 210lbs and that to me was so much better then 280. I have done things now that i would have never been able to do before. If i had never have done this for myself and done it for someone else i don't think that i would have stuck with it. I think it would have been like everything else that i had done before to try and get the weight off and yes before it was for someone else and it wasn't ever really for me.

Some question will really get to you and might even make you think well should i really have done this? When i had this done i didn't want to let anyone know what i did i was scared that they would think i was cheating and that i had failed. But i realized that not to many people really think that not to many people are really that fast to judge you. However i have found some that are. See when you start to loose a lot of weight people what to know how, how you did it and what you are doing. And again at first these where not easy question to answer i mean how are you supposed to tell people that you have had weight loss surgery. For a while i thought well maybe i have cheated myself maybe i could have done this on my own and i didn't really need the lap band. But the truth was always there i needed some help i needed it and so i posted on Facebook what i did and just sat and waited. I waited to see what people would think of me now that they had the chance to ask me and find out what i had really done. and it turns out most of the feed back that i got wasn't bad it was mostly all good, and then there is the question here it is " was your husband going to leave you because you where so fat?" No my husband loved me for me not for what i looked like i mean he says that i am more fun now but he has always loved me.

I get a look sometimes when i tell people that i have had lap band like ummm you did what? and sometimes its a pitty look like oh that poor girl she must have weighted 500lbs. But with time it gets easier to deal with all the questions all the bad look and you end up just smiling and knowing that you did what was right for you. And do be surprised when people act like you didn't know you were fat. LOL this is one of the questions i hate the most. " well what made you decide you were fat?" Im always like wtf! Do you really think that i didnt know i was fat? I looked im a mirror every day of my life. In fact i didnt decide i was fat i decided to get help for myself, because i wasn't doing a very good job on my own.

Here is something else that i have learned people treat you different even some of your friends will treat you different. I mean people are nice but sometimes when someone sees you like a cable guy or something they will be nice but that's pretty much it. Example i had a cable guy come to my house to install internet for after my surgery. He was nice answered all my questions and did his job and left. two months ago i had to call them back because of some outside issues and the way i was treated was completely different he had a conversation with me and told me all kinds of things but when i was bigger he wouldn't say more then a few words to me at a time. People in stores treat you different to my husband thought i was joking until i told him to come in a store with me. One that him and i had been in when i was bigger and i had to ask for help and i had to get my own stuff they did very very little. But as soon as i walked in all of a sudden i had three people ask me what they could get for me and what size i needed. My husband has never questioned that again. When your big sometimes its hard for us to take up for our selves sometimes its like well whats the point? And i cant speek for any one else but i was like that for a long time after the surgery i didnt see the difference and i thought well if someone was to call me fat all i could do is cry and go home like i always do. Untill two weeks ago i didnt realize that i did look different that i wasnt really "fat" any more. but i was standing up to people who i would have never stood up to before, i got to a point where i wasn't going to let any one say anything about the way that i looked what my children where eating or anything and for the first time i stood up for my step son and it felt really good to do that for my child. That was another turning point were i thought wow i can do this and i didnt loose it i wasn't told to sit down and shut up and i wasn't called fat.

LIfe after lap band isnt always fun and its not easy but i would say its more then worth it. And sometimes its crazy frustrating i mean who doesn't want a big burger from time to time or a big soda or just alot of crap all at once. But when you realize that you have the control and the will not to it all seems worth it. when your daughter comes up to you and throws her arms around you and says WOW MOM i can fit my arms around you like twice, then its all worth it. When you can do things with your husband that before just were not possible then its worth it. When you see a man from your past that put you down and told you, you where ugly and fat and couldn't been seen with you, and he says to you wow your so pretty and you can just sit and smile and tell him thank you or tell him he can go to hell which ever then you know that it was all worth it.