Fears And Empathy
I read a post here lately at lap band talk (LBT for all you old-timers...us newbies are still getting used all the lingo) where a someone wrote about having a hard time sharing with their husband that they wanted the band. I have also read here at LBT that there are folks who have kept their band a secret from their spouse.
My first reaction is...that's crazy!!! Then I stop and think about it, and I totally get it. Mostly I understand the fear aspect of letting a significant other know you have the lap band. For instance, my husband has been very supportive of me getting banded. He went to the information seminars with me, he sat at the surgery clinic the morning I had surgery, he is even going to my first post-op appointment with me this afternoon. On the one hand, it is really nice to have him so involved. On the other hand, I kinda wish it didn't have to all go down like that. Like, does he think less of me because I couldn't lose the weight and keep it off on my own?
It's kinda like you want the person you are in love with to see you in a certain light. It is difficult to let someone see you as vunerable. For me, it is difficult to admit defeat with past diets that have failed. Because being defeated just isn't me!
I like to think that my husband sees my decision to have the band as way for me to succeed when it comes to getting healthy.
I have a habbit of worrying about hypothetical situations. One game I play quite often is the "what-if" game. This game can be fun when thinking about positive things, but it can be rather depressing when thinking about negative stuff. Anyhoo...so I have a pretty bad scenerio that I play out in my head which involves the whole: what if my husband and I are not together in the future? Well, then I wonder, would he tell his new super-skinny-hot (hypothetical) girlfriend about my lap band? Would my band be something he would talk about as if I was such a failure that I had to get a lap band to lose weight? I worry about that, even if it is just hypothetical. I know I shouldn't make crap up for myself to freak out about...but I do...and I guess that I why I really "get-it" when I read about folks who have kept their band a secret even from their significant others.
This tool (the lap band) that I have chosen is an advantage to me. I chose it because I have seen how it works for others and how it can help me to get healthy. I would hate for it to be something that can be used against me. I think that is why I really like Amy's blog http://cheeseandsunkist.blogspot.com/ because she has been so freaken open about her lapband. Maybe she is onto something? Be the first to talk about it, therefore you get YOUR story out there before others make one up for you?
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