background.I started my journey november 30th 2011 weighing in at 250 lbs. three months later i weigh 234 lbs. I have had two fills (my next one is tomorrow and i'm nervous) bringing me to 2cc in my 14cc band. my doctor fills 1cc at a time. that's it (no negotiation on that one)! I AM EXERCISING AND I AM TRACKING MY FOOD (but i have trouble stopping when i've cross my cal limit)

I am feeling a little ashamed, defeated and nervous about going in for my 3rd fill tomorrow. I have not lost a lb. since my last fill a month ago. I am ashamed that I haven't done a better job with my diet. I don't want my doctor to think that I don't care or that I'm just another failure patient that can't get their act together. Like a lot of other bandsters out there I struggle with portion control, carb control, and especially snacking. I am an emotional eater and deal with almost every emotion or mood with food. Yes, there are times when I do well and say no to my urges, but more often than not I give in. As a result, I'm not losing as fast as I would like. Obviously I have some deep food issues or I wouldn't have gotten fat or needed surgery to begin with, right?

Today I took the time to go over the materials (diet recommendations) that were giving to me before my surgery to help get me back on track. I am definately not following the portions that were recommended to me all the time (I admit my shortcomings), but I'm just not full after 3oz. of food. So far my band has not helped me 100% of the time with portion control. I can still eat too much (although way less than I was eating before surgery). Sometimes I just fee like the band and I aren't working well together yet. And I felt really frustrated while reading the diet recommendations again. for example NO SNACKING. If I could eliminate snacking altogether myself I wouldn't need the band!!! I thought the band would help with hunger more and give me a full feeling, right? I dunno.THIS IS BAND HELL. I CAN'T SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL YET HELP!

Perhaps I'm disillusioned when it comes to what the band can do for me. Or maybe I'm just in bandster hell and the band isn't working at full compacity yet. I dunno. I just had to get all these feeling off my chest. Sometimes I think I will definately fail, that I am a failure and then I give up and eat. or I think I will fail anyways so I sabotage myself with food. (maybe deep down I'm so used to fail I will myself to fail) How do I get rid of these negative thoughts????? Has anyone ever felt this way in their journey????

Thank you for taking the time to give me some insights into how you made your journey a sucess