Feeling miserable today! Don't know why, maybe the reality has finally sunk in that I am losing weight. Yes, I know it should be a cause for joy and happiness. It eventually will be, but I am having to face an issue that has always plagues me when I have tried to lose weight in the past.

Everytime someone noticed I had lost weight, I sabotaged my good fortune. It was like I was scared to be noticed. Whichis down right silly and I can't really explain it. I know I have to deal with this issue or I will be doing myself no good at all.

I was fine, happy even. Everyone was commenting on how good I was looking and all I felt was intense pride. Deirdre called me yesterday, she was our liasion person in the Chimay hospital. She was so nice and so pleased that I was doing so well. Maybe I don't want to let her and the surgeons down, I'm putting myself under imaginary pressure. Maybe that is what I have always done. Doomed to failure mentality. Comments mean expectation, expectations mean disappointment.

I am not going to fail this time, I can't for the good of my mental and physical health I have to get out of this circle of destruction. As they say in counselling 'recognising the problem is the first step'.

Now all I have to do is discover all the other steps, but one day at time. if I can get through this day then I am sure it will all settle. In fact IT IS GOING TO GET BETTER!

I am forgetting my Positive Mental Attitue!

My goal is to lose 9lbs by 24th December. That, even on an ordinary diet is possible so I have no reason to cock it up!!!!!

OMG!!!

You have just basically described ME!!!!

I could never get my head around it until i discovered that I was trying to hide behind my fat for fear of unwanted attention(bad childhood experience)

Hope you don't mind me commenting, i was just looking for Uk bandsters and came across your journal, it brought a tear to my eye.

By the way I have asked one of the moderators if we could have a proper uk thread under local support because i feel we need it.