Hello Blog Land! I've missed you so. Its been weeks since my last confession blog. Before Christmas I weighed in at 178lbs. This morning I weighed in at 177.2lbs. Yesterday I celebrated my 1 year bandiversary. It has been tough but easy, emotional but encouraging and certainly up and down, roundabout journey! I wouldn't change a thing. I am satisfied with my progress with eating and exercising. Coming to terms with the denial that I was living in has been tough but if there is anyway to sum it up: **** happened - not happens. I am in control of me and my choices. Bring it on! Maybe in 2012 I will hit the 100lbs lost mark. If not, I am cool with whatever happens as long as I continue to challenge myself, get more fit and never look back!

I have attempted to blog a few times over the last few weeks so bear with me as I compile them all here and start with a clean new slate in 2012 and start my 2nd year of being banded.

Things over the Holidays were a little nutty but fantastic nonetheless. I spent time with family and had the Mother-In-Law staying with us for a few weeks too. All in all I have to say that I did pretty good over the holidays. New Years Day breakfast consisted of nachos that I didn't fire off for the party we hosted for our friends and framily but that was a small blip in the radar. I did have a few too many drinks the one night but kept the snacking and drinking to a minimal over the Holidays. The biggest difference for me was the way I piled my plate at the festive meals. All of what seemed like 10 of them! I did take more then I intended to eat. I would say that on average, my meals were less than half of the size that they were last year. I was left feeling like I didn't really put in allot of effort to make this happen and totally reassured that I have made some concrete lifestyle changes that really are just natural to me now. It has gotten easier and I hope that it will continue to happen until I get to where I want to be. I still have no restriction.

AWKWARD FRAMILY PHOTOS! I love my besties!

Looking back on 2011, I really am so proud of the NSV's and the SV's! I started 2011 @ 222lbs. In all, I lost 44lbs last year and 85lbs in total. Here are some of my fav NSV's from 2011.

• I can sit comfortably in a plane seat with a dangling seat-belt!
  
• Usually every time we go to Newfoundland, I like to take a hike at Cape Spear. The furthest Eastern Part of North America. Many times I would stop halfway to the lighthouse to catch my breathe or baby my burning legs from the hike. This year, I jogged part way up and finished the rest of the hike without a single wheeze! I felt like I could have easily done it again... and again. lol
  
• I have gone from a size 20 jean to a 12/10.
  
• I finally got my vessel (body) gussied up with a completed ladies of the family tribute tattoo on my arm. I will actually wear sleeveless tops these days despite my wrinkly batwings.
  
• I can hold a plank for 60 seconds! A long time goal that I met in 2011.
  
• I can shop for clothing at the regular size stores. H&M, Espirit, MEXX... A far cry from the frumpy florals at Addition Elle and Penningtons!
  
• I bought a pair of mid-calf high boots. My calves have NEVER fit in to cute boots! Still not in to the knee high boots yet but I feel that they lead people to believe that you have some sass. I am not ready to let people in on that yet. lol. Ladies who rock them, I envy you! They look great with your cute little jeans all tucked in! A goal for 2012.
  

So much to be thankful for! 2011 brought me a husband! Okay fine, I've had him for 8 years but now that it is official, there is a sort of "honeymoon" stage that came along with the wedding. The "honeymoon" stage in my world is coming home to an empty dishwasher and sometimes even a crumbless counter. WOOT WOOT!

I finally am feeling like our home is homey. When we moved in to the 4 bedroom house from the 600 sq/ft condo it was really empty and echoey here. It felt cold and sanitary. ICK. I painted the kitchen last January and with some additions of plants, art and us finally adding some shelves and accessories to the bedroom, I am pretty darn comfy here!

I did attempt to get back to blogging last week and started with this:

2012 has started on a rough note. My 90 year old Grandfather had his leg amputated on December 30th due to complications from diabetes. He has been fighting this disease and the associated complications for many many years. His fight was a major reason that I started my WL journey. Because of his age he was not put out. He was given an epidural of sorts and remained awake while they removed his right leg just below the knee. Our entire family packed the hospital waiting room and banded together to support him and the tough decision that he had made. We waited a couple of hours and were met by the surgeon to inform us that he had made it through surgery like a champion! We all took turns going on to visit him after the surgery and when my sister and I got our chance we didn't hold back. My Grandfather is a sweet, gentle giant. I swear, his index finger is the size of a banana! Okay, not that big... and really he isn't that tall when I come to think of it. Regardless, he always seemed like a giant to me. Anyway, he is TOUGH. Tough as nails. After surgery, my sister and I wanted to congratulate him for being so tough. He tried to argue with us as he cried, mourning the loss of his leg and the normal appearance that he has had for 90 years. All I could tell him was that after being married to my Grandmother for 65 years, he is tough! He laughed. We hugged him and told him how proud of him we were and left the hospital feeling confident that he would pull through. 2 days later, pneumonia set in. His speech started to slur. We suspected mini strokes that were never confirmed. Slowly, as they removed a direct line for pain from his stump and pushed med after med to deal with constipation, pain and infection his health declined. Yesterday morning, after spending the extremely rough night with him (my sobbing-self and incredible Aunt stayed all night) my Grandmother came to spend the day (like everyday since) beside his bed holding his hand. All she could do yesterday was hold him and cry. Through my own tears, I tried to picture them on their wedding day. Holding each others same hands as they were now. Did they ever think about the things that they would go through together. Did they know that they would face challenges like this? Did my Grandmother know that she would have to live without him one day? Or did they both deny it to themselves? Now, being newly married myself, I got home late from a work meeting last night and crawled in to bed with the fast asleep Mister. All I could think about when I looked at him was a whirl of life. What would it look like for us and would I be holding his hand like my Grandmother held my Grandfathers this morning one day? Would I have to live without him or vice versa one day? Without a doubt, I know that my Mister is the one for me and that all of these things, good and bad, are coming for us. I am not afraid... as long as I can hold his hand.

Grandpa has gone back to our hometown hospital late last night via ambulance. He has been unresponsive since he arrived but he is comfortably resting and not in pain.

A few hours after I wrote this I closed it and headed off to an evening meeting. While I was at work the hubby got the call from my Dad. He waited for me to get settled in at home and to have a little snuggle session (I had been go go go without time for this fav pastime with my man over the last few weeks) before he told me that my Grandfather had passed away. I was relieved. I was sad. I was worried about my Grandmother and my Dad and the rest of our family that depended on our patriarch to bond the family with a gentle noble mischievous hand. We will miss him terribly.

Celebrating the 64th Anniversary - May 2011

I am promising myself for 2012 that I will not put off until tomorrow, what can be done today (except for work). I will try to do all of the things that I want to do and do nothing that I don't want to do. I will try to keep the big picture in my mind through all that I do. I will continue on with my healthy lifestyle. Mind, Body and Spirit.

Love life peeps!