Fears And Concerns
After thinking about it for a long time, I have decided to put all of my fears and concerns down here in writing, no matter how irrational or insignificant they may be. I like to imagine that a few years down the road I will come back here and read this and think "Oh, how silly I was for being afraid of that!" So, here goes...
I am afraid of being one of those unfortunate ones who doesn't lose a significant amount of weight with the band.
I am afraid of dying on the table and leaving my family to pick up the pieces.
I am afraid of having too much excess skin after I lose the weight and having to battle the insurance company to have it removed.
I am afraid of the pain of post-op and recovering from surgery again.
I worry that even with the band, I will not be teaching my son to have a healthy relationship with food.
I am freaked out by the idea that I may become attractive to other men, and that I will not be able to deal with any attention that I might receive from them (that one takes a lot of bold-faced honesty to actually write down)
I worry that my band will slip or erode, and that I will have to have it removed or revised.
I am afraid that I will sabotage myself subconsciously and consistently "eat around the band."
I am afraid that my boyfriend will not know how to handle my weight loss and either leave or cheat.
I am afraid that I will have to struggle so hard to lose weight even with the band that I will give up and decide to be fat and happy vs. thin and miserable.
I am afraid that my fibromyalgia will get worse after I lose weight. (I have had several acquaintances with fibro and WLS tell me that this has happened to them)
I am afraid that my fibro will keep me from exercising and therefore cause me to gain all my weight back.
I am afraid that I will become so paranoid about gaining weight that I will become obsessive about tracking calories, and lose my joy.
I am afraid of having the surgery, losing all this weight, and still dying of a heart attack at 50.
I am afraid of being labeled as a "cheater" for having surgery instead of doing it the old fashioned way.
I am afraid of being under the magnifying glass when it comes to people who I choose to tell, and that they will constantly be watching me and waiting for me to mess up.
I am afraid of dealing with my bipolar grandmother once she finds out that I have had this done. She is super judgmental and can be very mean and thoughtless sometimes.
I am afraid that some other family members might start getting passive-aggressive when I start really losing weight, as if I were competition to them instead of just being happy for me.
I am afraid of losing my boobs. I know this is probably tmi, but they're already on the small side for my weight and I don't want to end up flat-chested.
I am afraid of losing my promise ring. It is already starting to get loose and I have only lost 10 pounds.
I am afraid of losing a bunch of weight, having my rings resized, then gaining back so much weight that they don't fit anymore.
I worry about becoming seriously depressed again after my surgery. I did with the last ones, and nobody told me beforehand that it was normal to get that way post-op.
I am afraid that I have already done too much damage to my body and that even after losing weight it won't heal.
I am afraid of being denied by my insurance company and not being able to have the surgery in the first place.
That's all I can think of at the moment. The rational part of me says that most of these are silly, and that the rest of them won't be as big a deal as I think they will. But in any case, I have them written down now so that I can look back at them in the future.
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