I'm posting this a day late, but feel the need to write about it anyway.

So I learned on my drive home from tutoring yesterday that the person I lined up to be with me at the hospital had to suddenly fly out of the country and wouldn't be returning for about ten days. This was upsetting, but not nearly as much so as why he had to leave.

T received a phone call from his best friend shortly after midnight on New Year's wishing him a wonderful 2012 and stating that he loved T. About two hours later, T received a call from his best friend's partner that his best friend had committed suicide. Quite understandably, T hopped on the soonest plane to go be with his best friend's partner and to help make arrangements.

Now, this of course came as quite a shock. I don't know how to respond to and support T. I love him desperately, but I don't know what to say. As someone who has contemplated suicide, I can't justify asking why. I know why, and it's only because of what my church taught regarding suicide that I never followed through with any of my own thoughts.

I am very concerned for T. This is not his first encounter with suicide - his mother took her own life when he was younger and he has contemplated it several times as well. He also struggles with depression, and I worry that this may send him into a tailspin. I don't know how to help him through this.

I emailed T as soon as I found out and assured him not to worry about me and that he was exactly where he needed to be. I extended my condolences and told him I love him and that I would be thinking of him (which is my lingo for "I'll be praying for you"). But I just feel like this is inadequate.

How can somebody jovially wish you a happy New Year one moment, then take his own life the next? I simply don't understand. I am wrecked for T and his partner A. I am wrecked for T's best friend's partner. I am simply wrecked.

I emailed T again today to let him know I found someone else to be at the hospital with me and to enquire as to how he was doing. I love him so much, and yet I somewhat dread seeing him again. I don't want to say or do the wrong thing. I don't want to be happy around him when he is so miserable.