Surgery Vs. Faith
One of the most confusing and frustrating internal road blocks I have come across in regards to getting lap-band is how to reconcile my faith with the need to have this surgery done.
Within the past few years, I have re-committed myself to my faith and become saved for the second time in my life. Don't get me wrong, I won't beat anybody over the head with my Bible (lol) but I don't hesitate to tell anyone who will listen about God's love for them and Jesus' ultimate sacrifice. I think it's amazing how God, who made every single thing in the universe, still cares about each and every one of us. It also blows me away how Jesus loved us all so much that he died to save us. There aren't enough words for me to tell how much I am deeply moved by this, and I spend time each day in prayer thanking the Lord for everything he has done for us.
The problem is this - there's a little voice in the back of my head that says "You know, if you were a better Christian, you wouldn't need surgery. If your faith were stronger, you would be healed by the grace of God, not need to turn to surgery by the hands of a man. It's just because you don't pray/believe/give/whatever enough that you have to do this." It's a hard thing to ignore.
How do you reconcile the idea of having surgery with God's promise to heal His children? Jesus healed many, many people, and he always explained it by saying that it was their faith that caused them to be healed. So what does that mean for people like me? Can it be that I simply don't believe strongly enough in my God's ability to heal me? I know that He can do all things, because He has created all things. Don't get me wrong, I am not the perfect Christian. I don't read my Bible every day. I'm not always as patient as I should be. I don't have a church home. I even swear on occasion (*gasp!* 
) But I do love Him and seek Him out, and I am trying. And so far as I can tell, that's all that we can do. We are not God, we are human, and no human is perfect.
One day I was in the midst of one of these "doubting sessions" and beginning to think that maybe it was true, maybe I was just an awful Christian and not worthy of healing. Just as I was beginning to entertain this idea, a thought came to me: Who do you think gave the surgeon his gift? Who do you think made the surgeon to begin with? How do you think this surgery was even thought up in the first place? And then I realized that maybe it was not surgery vs. faith; maybe my healing will be done through this surgeon because this is how God intends to heal me. It's not a question of turning to modern medicine and away from God, because it was through God that modern medicine came to be. He gave us an inquisitive nature, He made people who aspired to help others, and He gave us the ability to create technologies that can improve the health of many.
I think we tend to compartmentalize "God over here, science over here" as if they are two different and opposing things. I believe they are not. I hope that anyone reading this with the same problem that I had can be comforted by the realization that not all healings are of the "miraculous, out-of-thin-air" type. There are all kinds of different ways that God can manifest healing in your life. Don't beat yourself up over a problem that doesn't exist. In the words of my son's favorite animated tomato, "God made you special, and he loves you very much." 
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