Guilt :(
You know that miraculous restraint I mentioned in my previous blog?? Well, scratch that! I caved yesterday. In my defense, I was sick. I skipped breakfast (I know, BAD!), then had 4 or 5 tortellenies(sp) from the healthy choice soup and threw the rest away. About two hours later, I took some meds to help with my horrible cold and the headache that came with it. 45 minutes later, I was throwing up muccus (I apologize for the TMI). It was awful! It was the first time I had thrown up since surgery and I am so nervous that it hurt something. I was at my moms and had such a horrible taste in my mouth, that I grabbed the first thing I could find and ate it...which happened to be a chocolate rice krispy treat. That was the first thing I've had sweet since surgery. That wasn't the only thing I had either but I won't bore you with the details of the day's menu and my bad choices. I did still manage to stay under my calories, but they certainly weren't GOOD calories! Then this morning I get to work and the post man brings in a Harry & David treat basket! I feel like crying. I had one chocolate covered cherry (50 calories) and that's all I'm planning on having. I didn't have breakfast yet again (not on purpose, I thought I had something in the fridge, but I didn't). I feel like crying! It's funny because I helped throw a bridal shower on Sunday and there were sooo many yummy treats but I didn't cave then! I didn't even have the baked zitti (which I LOVE!). I had 4 meatballs. 2 for Lunch, 2 for dinner. I actually skipped breakfast that day too. Totally not like me. Also, another bad thing I've been doing, is taking a sip here and there either right before and/or right after eating. It's not a lot. Just sips. I feel like it's really unrealistic to not drink anything at all an hour before and an hour after eating. I'm trying my best and most of the time I succeed, but I just can't help myself. I know I just need to jump right back on the band wagon. I've proved to myself I can do this. I just hate this feeling of guilt!! I hate feeling like I'm on a diet. Oh and another interesting story! I went to pick up a friend from the airport and we stopped at Cheesecake Factory on the way back. The cool thing about that place is that they tell you how many calories is in EVERYTHING and they have a separate menu for people who are trying to eat better. Anyways, I ordered the crab bites (suuuuupppperrr yummy!!! and only 400 calories!) and a peach smoothie (300 calories). My friend that was with me told me I needed to eat more...that I was starving myself. I thought that was hilarious! Actually, that was the most calories I've had since surgery (counting my breakfast and lunch that day). Miraculously, I lost weight over the weekend. 1.2 pounds to be exact. Very odd. I have a feeling my bad behavior from yesterday will catch up to me though. I pray it doesn't, but these things have consequences! I also heard that we are having pizza delivered as a Christmas gift to us on Friday. I love pizza! I just want to cry :*( I'm afraid I'm starting to become obsessive and psychotic about food. I didn't want that. I don't want to be weird about this. I just want to be NORMAL!! Anyways, that's today's rant!!
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