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Guilt :(

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legnarevocrednu

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You know that miraculous restraint I mentioned in my previous blog?? Well, scratch that! I caved yesterday. In my defense, I was sick. I skipped breakfast (I know, BAD!), then had 4 or 5 tortellenies(sp) from the healthy choice soup and threw the rest away. About two hours later, I took some meds to help with my horrible cold and the headache that came with it. 45 minutes later, I was throwing up muccus (I apologize for the TMI). It was awful! It was the first time I had thrown up since surgery and I am so nervous that it hurt something. I was at my moms and had such a horrible taste in my mouth, that I grabbed the first thing I could find and ate it...which happened to be a chocolate rice krispy treat. That was the first thing I've had sweet since surgery. That wasn't the only thing I had either but I won't bore you with the details of the day's menu and my bad choices. I did still manage to stay under my calories, but they certainly weren't GOOD calories! Then this morning I get to work and the post man brings in a Harry & David treat basket! I feel like crying. I had one chocolate covered cherry (50 calories) and that's all I'm planning on having. I didn't have breakfast yet again (not on purpose, I thought I had something in the fridge, but I didn't). I feel like crying! It's funny because I helped throw a bridal shower on Sunday and there were sooo many yummy treats but I didn't cave then! I didn't even have the baked zitti (which I LOVE!). I had 4 meatballs. 2 for Lunch, 2 for dinner. I actually skipped breakfast that day too. Totally not like me. Also, another bad thing I've been doing, is taking a sip here and there either right before and/or right after eating. It's not a lot. Just sips. I feel like it's really unrealistic to not drink anything at all an hour before and an hour after eating. I'm trying my best and most of the time I succeed, but I just can't help myself. I know I just need to jump right back on the band wagon. I've proved to myself I can do this. I just hate this feeling of guilt!! I hate feeling like I'm on a diet. Oh and another interesting story! I went to pick up a friend from the airport and we stopped at Cheesecake Factory on the way back. The cool thing about that place is that they tell you how many calories is in EVERYTHING and they have a separate menu for people who are trying to eat better. Anyways, I ordered the crab bites (suuuuupppperrr yummy!!! and only 400 calories!) and a peach smoothie (300 calories). My friend that was with me told me I needed to eat more...that I was starving myself. I thought that was hilarious! Actually, that was the most calories I've had since surgery (counting my breakfast and lunch that day). Miraculously, I lost weight over the weekend. 1.2 pounds to be exact. Very odd. I have a feeling my bad behavior from yesterday will catch up to me though. I pray it doesn't, but these things have consequences! I also heard that we are having pizza delivered as a Christmas gift to us on Friday. I love pizza! I just want to cry :*( I'm afraid I'm starting to become obsessive and psychotic about food. I didn't want that. I don't want to be weird about this. I just want to be NORMAL!! Anyways, that's today's rant!!

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we all have days that are like the ones you have been having. Especially during this time of year. Relax and don't beat yourself up too bad. You really haven't done that bad.

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I haven't been banded yet so I'm not speaking from experience yet but I think you are being too hard on yourself. You are human and it's only natural to indulge a little, especially this time of year. I personally think that it is ok to have a treat now an then, it's when you are so strict that when you have a slip you fall all the way down is what got most of us to where we are. I think that if you are feeling like you are on a diet then you are approaching it wrong. Remember weight loss is about burning more calories than you take in. The problem with bad calories is that they don't give you the energy you need to be able to burn them off. Don't feel bad about having one chocolate covered cherry, just be happy that you can't eat 10 or 15. It's feeling bad about that one that will lead you down that bad path.

Also there are a few thread about eating and drinking at the same time and it seems that most people like you have a sip or two while eating. Like you I think it is unrealistic.to not drink at all but as long as you are drinking no more than a small sip or two then you are ok.

When it comes to the pizza don't get too upset about it, first of all think about how much pizza you could eat before the band, now think realistically about how much you could eat now. Did you go from 3 (or possibly more) slices to 1/4 or 1/2 of a slice? If so that the power of the band, think about how many calories you just saved, realize that if you do only have 1/2 a slice that you will feel as full as you did before the band, and still have the same flavor. I don't think that there is anything wrong with taking a slice cutting it in half and eating the cheese and toppings first (protein!) and maybe a bite of bread if you know you can handle it. If you also plan your other meals of the day around that then you will not go over your calories, you can also build in a little extra exercise for the pay (park a little farther away or walk a little faster than usual)

Your experience at Cheesecake Factory is a great example of how great the band is, you were able to eat out with a friend, have a totally satisfying meal, and didn't have a boat load of calories. I went to the Cheesecake factory this past weekend and I'm pretty sure that I blew 700 calories before we were done with our appetizers.

It's good that you realize this early that you might be becoming obsessed with food in a bad way because now you try to stop it before it becomes a problem. I think the first thing to keep in mind is remembering how much you could eat before and how impossible it is to eat that much before. Also if I remember correctly you haven't been cleared to exercise yet so that hasn't been able to help you yet so imagine how much more you will lose when that comes into play.

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Even though I am not hungry in the mornings, I have learned that if I don't have something for breakfast, the day eating is a struggle. Costco sells "Pure Protein" bars that are 180 to 200 calories and 20 grams of protein. I keep one in my purse and one in my desk at work.

We all indulge at this time of the year. Just get back on track.

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I can totally identify with the guilt feeling. Today I ate 2ish or 3ish cookies at my sister's house. Which was totally wrong because i'm still in the pureed/soft foods stage. Ofcouse i had NO TROUBLE eating the cookie, those things really do slide right through you! It's tough because the healthy things (like fish) sometimes get stuck and come back up. Ugh I just tell myself that NO ONE IS PERFECT and this are NOT FAILURES, just MISTEPS. You have to overcome that zebra ( black and white) thinking that tells us we are all wrong or all right, on our diet or completely off it. We try our best and have misteps but GET RIGHT BACK ON TRACK! Good luck, loved your post.

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We all are going thru these challenges. I am 7 months post op. It is a big mind thing. I have my days as well. We can do this hang in there! I'm trying too.

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I also had some sweet treats this week and the funny thing is that I have been at a stand still with my weight (I am down 132 with 12 left till goal) for about a month, I got on the scale at the gym the next day and was down 1 1/2 pounds! I guess my body wanted more calories! Anyway don't beat yourself up you can and will do this. Things will get easier in a few weeks and all these temptations will be gone. I normally treat myself daily to a skinny cow ice-cream or a 100 cal nabisco snack bag, it keeps me on track and I do not feel deprived.

Smiles

Brenda

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