I never in my wildest dreams thought having a lap band would drive me nuts. If I would have known what I know now I would have never ever ever gotten this surgery!!!!

I am weak, tired, stressed and miserable.I'm usually a calm, funny, rational person. But this journey has defied logic and tested my already thin patience. In the past I could always lose weight. Granted very slowly and I would stall for a few weeks, but it's been almost a month and my weight has gone from 275 to 279 and back down. I cannot get past 275!!! I've upped my calories and nada. I dont know how much i should up them or for how long. All I know is that something about this lapband is causing my body to rebel. I track what I eat on myfitnesspal and I work out 5-6 days a week and today I'm working out twice a day. I change my workouts every week. I dunno whatelse to do. I'm at 1000 calories now and feel stuffed. I have never ate this good or worked out smarter and harder in my life. I lost 60lbs doing less before this stupid band, so why isnt this working?? No caffeine, no sugar, low carbs, low calories. I have never ate so clean! No Soda!! No F****** Soda! When have I ever given up soda? oh thats right, NEVER!!!!!!!! Not even low carb bread, woooooooooooo lord i've been good. Not even my low carb candy or pastries! NO LOW CARB COOKIES!!!!!!!!! I've never dieted without them!!!

I have to see my surgeon next week for a follow up. What am I gonna tell him? "hey I lost inches". I dont even wanna see him. My last fill the PA made me feel like I was lying and that no way I could weigh so much and be working out and eating healthy. No matter what anyone says pounds do matter. Its the stuff of contest, doctor visits and what people go by when they ask you about your progress. No one asks what size you are or what inches you have lost. I dont even know if i've lost inches. It doesnt seem to have changed in a month. I've been told its water weight maybe. Ok but for how long? My period will be here in 2 weeks then I will be bloated again for about 12 days. So in between being bloated due to my time of the month and other mysterious bloat, when am I losing fat??? It seems for 25 days out of the month I'm bloated due to weight lifting, time of the month, or a cheat day. Each causes a week worth of bloating. So where is the break from this??? I'm not even trying a cheat day again since the last disasterous 6 day, 4lb gain!

Im heading to my regular doctor, but I dont know if she will find anything. 4 months ago I had a blood work up and everything was fine. I just give up. I tap. I know when I am beat. i cant take any more discouragement. To stall is one thing, but to gain? oh hell to the naw. I want this band out, O U T!!!!!!!!!!! I'll wait a year or so to have it removed, but I dont know what it's doing or how, but I know this thing is stopping me from losing. I did so good when I was on my own. Pregnancy was the only thing that derailed me after a whole year.

I'll stick to MFP until 10/03 then if I dont lose I'm off there too, but good bye friends on here! I must save my sanity. I'm tired of reading of peoples success and looking at my failures on the scale and in the mirror. I'm tired of explaining over and over again that I'm not hungry, on 2nd fill, eating right, working out and no one knows. I've drank enough water, I shouldnt yo-yo my calories, which causes me to binge. I'm done!