Have you ever really sat down and wondered how you got to this point in your life? You know how did you end up on a blog pouring our your inner most feelings to strangers. Well I know how I got here, how about YOU? I got here by lying to myself, telling myself that if no one saw me eat it, it did not count. I got here, by snacking on unhealthy foods, potato chips, candy bars, ice cream, soda, alcohol, bread, snack food, snack food, snack food. I got here by always making excuses as to why I ate something, why my diet failed. It was a dinner, a party at work, an outing with friends, I could cheat just once because, I COULD CONTROL THE BINGE! Well guess what I LIED, How about you? Have any of you ever lied to your self that you were in control? I did then and I do now and you know what I probably always will unless I learn to call myself on every morsal I put in my mouth that does not belong there. Have you ever wondered why the people who are successful are successful with lap band and weight loss surgery or diets? Why, because the follow the rules 99.9% of the time. I am not there yet, I still back slide, and I still beat myself up and promise I won't do it again. Why I am where I am today? I had to have surgery on my knee and this was just all the sympathy I needed for myself to start lying to myself. No I have not gained any weight but I have eaten things I know I cannot control. So I have spent countless hours trying to figure out how to make up for what I ate, so I'm hungry most evenings, not satisfied with my choices and feel like crap. Oh but it's OK. right, I had surgery, it is OK to allow myself a few days off for good behavior? WRONG, that is the thinking of an addict, an addict who has slipped and is lying to themselves again. Believe me I know what I eat, I log every morsal I place in my mouth, I am not eating enough protein, and I consistently eat too much fat. I have been trying to eat 40-30-30 and it ends up more like 40-20-40. (Carbs-Protein-Fat)So why am I bloging this today, because everyday I read about how one of us is doing good, one of us has back slide and one of us is searching for the right answer. We can not help each other or support one another if we do not hold ourselves and each other accountable. I need someone to call me on my bad behavior, I may not like it but, what good does it do me if I am allowed to continue back down a path of destruction. What good does it do any of us? We all made a decision or are making a decision to have surgery to help us control what we were not able to. So why sabotage our selves? Why go through all the physiological evaluations, jump through all the insurance hoops if we are going to continue to lie to our selves. I am nearing my one year anniversary this month, maybe that is what prompted this blog. I have lost 74 lbs and still have 34 lbs to go by the height and weight charts. I have been stalled for months; most days I eat right on target, I have restriction or "I am at my sweet spot" I have thought about a fill just so I eat less but know that is not the answer. So what is the answer? I guess that is a personal answer for all of us. To me the answer is learning to live a healthy life, make healthy decisions every waking minute of my day. To me it is hard wiring or rewiring my thinking so it becomes natural and not a daily chore. To me it is not allowing unhealthy foods into my shopping cart or on to my dinner table. I may not be able to control what my family eats but I can control what is brought into my house and I have a Rights. I have the right not to subject myself to unhealthy atmospheres, friends or family who do not support my choice to make a healthy life for myself. This may sound harsh but I have to be committed to this because every corner I turn there is someone or something there that if I allow it, it will help me to sabotage myself. So friends, take inventory of your life and YOUR cupboards because no one but US is going to help US make it.

So my question when I started this rant,"Why do we sabotage ourselves?" So why do "YOU" sabotage yourself, do you know?