I want to say I am sorry for not keeping up with my entries. I left my job and started my own business, I have had this business for about 2 years but I am not fully involved with the business full time. www.jurneeservices.com. I am very let me get down to the math. Surgery date 7/27/11 281 current weight 241... Very proud of my progress and I will continue to work hard. Who would have thought that cleaning homes would be the best workout. Now, remember the guy I told you I was with for 4 years off and on? Well, we are working on things. We have always been in contact even when I was seeing Paulton, I know that was wrong but I was with this man for 4 years and he has my heart. I started doing the LOVE DARE which is a great book for anyone looking to restore your relationship/marriage. I love Teddy and I think that because of my insecurites and love self esteem that I could allow him to love me the way he wanted and I listen to what everyone else would say about the way he should. I am happy and the reason why I am happy is simply that I am now doing things on my terms and making the decisions that I feel is right for me. I had a thing called Approval addiction. I would want to make everyone else happy and do what every I would have to do to make everyone around me happy ad I would forget all about myself and what I wanted to make me happy. I think as I go along this journey I am gaining a whole new person. I am truly happy. I look forward to waking up in the morning with a smile in my heart. I get excited when I meet a goal or challenge myself to do something I use to be scare of doing. I smile wider and sing a little louder, When I pray I find myself thanking God over and over for the blessing that he has given me. I smile because for so long I walked with my head down. I have been reaading blogs and I am still finding people with the victims mentality. I am not losing weight, the scale is not moving , I am so frustrated and it is starting to get real old. people this is the greatest journey you an every be on embrace the good and the bad days. embrace change, I will say it again you can not keep doing the same things and expecting different results. I realize that you will have challenge and you will fall short of some things but keep going. push yourself harder then you ever have before. I had to realize how much I loved Teddy and my three boys ( Teddy has a son that lives with him) I had a family and made a lot of mistakes that I lost my family. I would blame Teddy for the reason the relationship didn't work, but truth be told I had more to do with it then he did. I was moody and had an attitude and it was impossible to be around me because I was so miserable. The hardest thing I think is to look yourself i the mirror and self evaluate yourself. When I did it I cried for about two hours. i asked God to heal me and to wash me clean. My vision is becoming clearer and I am enjoying the things that I see. I am finally doing things on my terms