What an exhausting few days!! My mind has been spinning and whirling with too much information, too many things to consider, too many people to consider, Enough!!!!

This is why I am over 300 lbs! Simply because I stopped considering what I need and wanted so long ago! Instead of worrying about what is best for my work schedule, or who can come with me, or what this person is going to think about my surgery, or ANYONE ELSE!! I stopped and took a deep breath, called MY clinic and made a decision which will be best for ME!!!!!

And now I have a consultation with my original surgeon of choice.... Dr Cobourn for TODAY!

Sorry I keep yelling.

I have decided that I am not going to wait and I am trying to book my surgery ( self-pay) for the last week of October and fly to Ontario. My head is clear! It is swirling again with all of my normal stuff.... what time will I leave for work today, where will I walk my dogs, what will I make for dinner, you know normal stuff!

One thing I think everyone who has ...... Let themselves go....has in common, is we are too worried about everything but our own happiness. My amazing husband said it best to me last night. Stop worrying about everyone but yourself and do what is best for you. Everything else will fall into place.

So simple, but so far removed from what I have become to practice for myself. The truth is, the easiest thing was to decide to have surgery. I have accepted that all the money spent on personal trainers, diet fads, food!, gimmicks HAS NOT WORKED. This little device implanted into my body, that will give me control over how much food I eat will be the best thing I will ever do for myself. I don't fear it one bit. What I have been fearing is how it will effect everyone around me......... and I have been paying for it with my sanity.

Not anymore, not today. Today I chose what will be best for me and my life....... I could get used to this.