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October 4, 2011

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MsAnn6550

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OK. So it has been 4 months since I was banded. I have been eating less and less. I weighed yesterday and my scale has not budged. Got so frustrated. I said screw it and made some pralines. Of course, hubby doesn't know that. I have hidden them and are secretly eating them without him knowing. Like a junkie or alcoholic hiding their drinking. Thing is, I know it's wrong but I do it anyway. No one one is forcing me to do it. I think to myself Just one more. Like a drug. I feel alone. Even with hubby in the house. And now he is admitting he needs to have surgery to repair a huge problem he has. I think I dread it more than he does and that is saying a lot. I remember how he was so many years ago with his other surgery. He does not handle pain well. It also doesn't help that he is a smoker. He is not pretty when he is in withdrawal. I feel guilty because I just want to run and hide. It's not like this condition arose overnight. I had some plans to go on a little trip with my daughter in a month, but he told me I may have to not go so I can take care of him. I figure if he has put it off for this long, he can put it off a little longer. Then I get to feeling guilty for thinking that way. Then I look for something to eat. Lord help me.

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Wow. :o Sounds like you have a lot going on in your life. I am sorry to hear how alone you are feeling but try to remember that there are so many people going through alot of the same issues that you are- reach out for support in place of that comfort food. I know it is much easier said than done but if you can do it just once a day it will minimize the negative effects of your emotional eating habits. Surround yourself with supportive people who won't judge you- even if it comes from the forum instead of people in your life. I went 3 months at a time on 2 different occasions without seeing so much as a pound loss and the less progress I saw the more I felt like it was pointless and it wouldn't hurt if I slacked off in the gym or snacked a little more since I wasn't losing anyways.:unsure: I found myself eating with my emotions instead of my logic and then feeling guilty about it and doing the ol hide the evidence routine too so I know how that feels. This band only works with our discipline. But dont be too hard on yourself for slipping up- even for alcoholics the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.;) You've done that much. Changing your life won't happen over night and it won't come naturally but you can do it with alot of effort and focus. Stay inspired and stay hungry for your life instead of just hungry for food. "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." If its an option for you, lean on your faith as much as possible and pray for strength and guidance. Im not married but Im sure it's not easy having to balance your need to take care of yourself with your duties to take care of your husband but I would think its impossible for you to give of yourself to your husband what you dont have to give. Judging by the way you speak of his surgery Im thinking its not something too critical? But if it is I guess that comes with the territory to deal with his issue first if it is more critical but if you were approved to be banded your health issues could be critical too. Just try not to lose yourself in all this chaos. You have every right to take the time out that you need for yourself to be healthy and happy. You have as much obligation to yourself as your husband so don't feel guilty about that. But it may do you some good to open up to your husband and let him know how you're feeling and come up with a plan to deal with both of your battles together so its not just all on you to care for him and yourself and therefore push you into the comforting arms of food. Focus on the good and not just the bad- you said the scale hasn't moved so at least you're NOT gaining! Thats a victory in itself for those of us fighting the battle of the bulge. Sorry I can't be of more help but if you ever need someone to vent to or an accountablity buddy feel free to message me. Dont hold in your feelings or they'll just show up on the scale. ;) Best of luck and stay strong! You may have lost that particular battle with yourself but you havent lost the war. :D My prayers go out to you and your husband!

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If you arent already, you need to start using heavy weights in your workouts. It is essential if your goal is to lose fat and maintain your muscle - which in turn increases your metabolism. Many of us have made the HUGE mistake of getting fills to the point of not being able to eat much. This totally slows down your metabolism and causes your body to burn your muscle as its fuel source. VERY BAD!!! This is how people fail. You must eat clean food 5-6x a day and lift heavy weights if you want to change your body.

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