I first want to say that finally making it about me for a change has really been a struggle. I say that simply because I worry and have a concern for everyone that I do sometimes forget to focus on me and think about the things that i want and that I need. Myy boyfriend and I broke up, it kind of caught me off guard and I have been trying to deal with the emotions that come along with losing someone you love. I am an emotional eater and having this lab band has really saved me. I worked out to get rid of some of the anxious feelings that I was having. I think that I have gained a little more control over how I deal with my emotions and that I need to find balance and not worry about the things that I can't change. I have also ended a friendship. I think that sometimes people want to be happy for you, but sometimes don't know how. I think that people are so use to taking advantage of me. As my confidence is increasing by the minute I am starting to speak up for myself and make better choices about the people I confide in. I think that I have allowed people to walk all over me that it became the norm. I know that I don't want to be in a relationship anytime soon. I really want to find Nikkia and really learn to love Nikkia for a change. I think that's going to be the hardest part. I have to find away to remove all the negative images that I would have of myself and start replacing them with positive. I think sometimes I am afraid of being happy.I say that simply because I have been so unhappy for so many years and have had people tear me down that I just don't want to get so excited about things and then only to be disappointed later on. When my boyfriend and I broke up I cried for two days. I cried because I did love him and I did want the relationship. I was trying to find a way to fix the issue. he was there for me though out the preop and he was there the day of surgery. I am sure my heart will heal and I will move on. I think I am the type of person who always has to have a reason why things happen. I am now learning everything takes time , just like losing weight to get to my goal weight everything that I want will take time as well.

Until tomorrow,

Msoutlaw